I have a struggle.
I am constantly questioning whether or not I am making the right choices as a mom.
Between keeping my relationship with my husband vibrant, parenting teens, homeschooling, running a business and maintaining a household I ALWAYS have more to do than I have time to complete and that creates a lot of guilt.
My guilt recently reared it’s ugly head when I met a very successful business woman with a highly profitable online business and speaking career. As we chatted she told me about all of the projects she is involved in, the number of regular visitors her website receives and the podcast she just started.
For a moment I felt envious and when I left the conversation I started to question if I have made the right choices with my life and business.
I have enjoyed a level of success with ThePeacefulMom.com but with increased readership and increased website traffic come increased responsibilities. There are more comments to approve, emails to answer, media requests to respond to and more expenses to pay in order to keep a website running. I initially enjoyed the success and increase as it brought more income to our household and more recognition for me as a person. It felt good to have people “like” me and like what I was writing.
But it also produced a dilemma for me.
One of my highest values is pouring into the lives of my loved ones but with the increased demands of my business I found myself working longer hours, feeling way more stress and treating my family rudely when they “interrupted” me or when they needed something.
Then in 2014 several events made my priorities very clear. In January I dislocated my knee and was on bed rest for six weeks. Life became very simple because I had to have help with EVERYTHING. I had lots of time on my hands to think and pray and re-assess where my life was going. Then later that year my oldest daughter was in an accident that could have killed her and suddenly I was very aware of what is truly important.
As I have prayed and pondered what I want in my life I have made several choices:
- I have chosen to keep my business small rather than expanding it.
- I have chosen to work fewer hours instead of more.
- I have chosen to decline some media offers and sponsored posts instead of taking the money and increased exposure.
- I have chosen to spend more time interacting with my family instead of interacting online.
Have I made the “right” choices? Yes, I have made the right choices for ME.
I love this quote from Maya Angelou:
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it.“
I don’t want to work 50+ hours a week, manage a team of multiple people and travel every other weekend. I don’t want my life to consist of thousands of tweets, statuses, pins, chats, grams and scopes but no real-life impact on those most important to me.
I like being available to my kids when they need me, not in an hour when the moment has passed. I don’t want to tell them “wait a minute” for the thousandth time when we both know that by “minute” I mean 45 minutes to an hour.
I like having the emotional and physical energy to enjoy regular dates and fun with my husband instead of being too tired to give him any attention.
I like having relaxed time together as a family rather than being so pressured to complete a project that I can’t sit down to watch a movie.
I like responding to comments and social media posts in person rather than hiring someone to do it for me.
I don’t judge anyone who makes different choices than I do. I simply needed to say out loud what I am thinking and struggling with. Some would say that I am not living up to my potential but I know that I cannot work full time and be truly available to my family physically, emotionally and mentally. Maybe there is something wrong with me because I cannot do both but I know myself and I cannot do both well.
When I come to the end of my life the accolades, fame and money will never take the place of warm, intimate relationships with those that I love. I am the only wife that my husband has and the only mom my kids have. If I fail in those roles then nothing else matters.
So for now I am choosing LESS:
less work
less stress
less responsibility
and yes, that means less money…
but way more peace.
Do you want to live a more intentional and joyful life? My Joyful Life Planner is the tool you need.
The Joyful Life Planner is the system that I have used this past year to define my values and live them out. This dreaming and doing playbook is filled with practical, powerful tools to help you discover what you truly want — and the inspiration to keep you moving toward your goals and dreams.
Click HERE to see how the Joyful Life Planner can work for you.
You May Also Like:
Great question Eileen! Yes, it would be great to help my kids with college and we absolutely encourage our children to avoid debt. We have always assumed that with our income level they would apply for scholarships and work their way through college themselves just as I did. The amount of money that I am giving up by working less is not significant enough to make a huge difference in what we could help them with but the time that I can spend with them is something that I can never get back. I am so much more aware of how short the time is now that I have two teens graduated from high school, one of whom has moved out of our home. I like that you felt comfortable asking the question. I don’t expect everyone to agree with my choices but I shared in the event that someone else needed a little encouragement to make a difficult choice in her own life.
You must, must, must do what settles your heart. You are very lucky to have the choice on whether to slow it down, or go full speed ahead. Some of us moms know we need to concentrate on what’s most important, but also have to work 10 hour days to keep a roof over those important little heads. So please, if going at a slower pace makes you happy, do it. Do it for all of us that wish we could but can’t 🙂
Thank you Sandra. I actually thought a lot about single moms and others who have to work full time when I wrote the post and I almost didn’t publish it for fear of offending someone but I forged ahead trusting that my readers know my heart. I pray that God will provide abundantly for you and that you will find ways to connect with your family in spite of having to work so much. Blessings to you!
There is NOTHING wrong with you for not being able to do both. NO ONE can do it ALL. The people who look like they’re “doing it all,” aren’t doing the same things you are.
That woman who was so successful business-wise? Probably doesn’t have as much going on in her home and relationships as you do. Different people live different lives. If someone’s doing all the things you’re not, they’re probably not also doing all the things you are.
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you.
Thank you so much for your encouragement Aly! I needed to hear that.
I LOVE this! I just made this exact same decision recently and it was very hard. I struggled with letting my work friends down, with not providing enough for my family and with feeling like I was failing because I couldn’t do it all… You put into words exactly why I made my decision. Thank you so much for this post! You have no clue how much this has affirmed and blessed me! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I am so happy to hear that I encouraged you Janelle! Good for you for making a difficult but important decision for your family. Thanks so much for letting me know.
God’s timing is so beautiful. I can’t express how much I needed this article right now. THANK you so very much for this.
I am so glad to hear that you were encouraged. God is good! Thank you so much for letting me know.
Congratulations on your decision and realizing what is important for you. I have read your blog for a long time and have always enjoyed your thoughtful posts. I can relate to your dilemma and applaud your courage to vocalize what is right for your family. Best of luck :0)
Thanks so much for your encouragement Jennifer! And thanks for being a long time follower!
I admire your decision, Kimberlee. And if you need any further affirmations, here are two:
Jackie Kennedy once famously said, “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.”
Also, something that I saw online just yesterday is definitely worth a watch. It’s a commercial about what kids want for Christmas. They ask for presents from Santa (the Three Kings), but from their parents they ask for quality time.
http://www.wmzq.com/onair/aly-jacobs-54140/wow-this-ikea-christmas-commercial-is-13082823/
Thanks so much for your encouragement Trisha!
Oh, my goodness…I so needed this post today! Running a blog can be worthwhile and exciting, but it can also be time-consuming and drain time from what’s really matters. I’m with you. I’d rather not “live up to my potential” in the blogging world so I can focus on what really matters. Thank you for sharing this!
I am so glad that I could encourage you Stacie! Thanks for taking the time to let me know. 🙂
It’s a sad world when we neglect our loved ones for stuff that can’t love us back. Good for you and thank you for telling the truth. I bet your family appreciates you more than ever.
Thanks for you encouragement Kathryn!
It is hard to face friends and family who think we are not contributing because we are not bringing in a full-time income but I believe we are contributing much more. Good for you for making a difficult choice Judy!
Less IS More, as they say! Love your blog and what you stand for.
Thanks Kristy!
I can only say, your making the right choice!!! We live in a fast pace world, and I believe one parent home, helps slow down that pace and keeps everything functional.
Thanks Jane!
I get it. I only work part time but this fall cut my hours from 20-ish to 9. And now I’m seriously considering resigning despite the accolades I get at work. ..
It’s tough to give up the positive affirmation and the impact we can have outside our home isn’t it? Good for you for cutting back to live the life you want Lynnea!
Great post! Reaffirms my own struggle of late…wanting to do more but assessing it exactly as you have…just that I am a single parent, with too much on my plate already.
You know, I almost wrote a specific paragraph for single parents. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to parent without help. Good for you for making a decision that works for you Wendy!
Yes, I applaud your choices.
Thanks Nancy!
<3
Thanks!
How refreshing to read this. It has always been apparent to me that you spend time w/ your family which is so important. I clean houses for people & have chosen to only work 2 days a week even though I could very well do more, but I want time w/ my hubby, children, friends, church family, neighbors, etc & No there is sometimes still not enough hours in my day. We don’t homeschool so that has made it easier for me to work “outside” the home. I am planning on taking a day to do some fun shopping(which doesn’t happen often) with our daughter & a church friend tomorrow, if I was working more couldn’t do that. (going to Aldi also so will go grocery shopping done too. we don’t have one real close so when in that area we use it) blessings to you
Good for you Karen! Sounds fun!
I am so proud of you for coming to this decision. I know that was not easy. God bless!
Thank you Cindy!