We reached a milestone last week.
The wheelchair that was the sole form of mobility for my daughter for so many weeks is finally gone. (Read more about the accident here.)
While this event should have been a joyous celebration it was also a trigger for my deep grief over her accident. I feel so much compassion for those of you who have experienced tragedy that did not result in the positive outcome that we had but I still have many deep emotions about the accident which I honestly have not had much time to deal with until now.
Thankfully my daughter is doing very well.
Her collar bone has healed so well that, according to the doctor, the bone looks as if it were never broken. Of course the metal plate is there as well as the scar but at least we know that the bone is completely healed.
She is wearing a small ankle brace and is able to do most regular activities. She is swimming for physical therapy and we were able to get a scholarship for a YMCA membership so she can swim regularly. She even returned to her job on the weekends. She does experience some pain in her ankle from time to time but overall she is mostly back to normal and seems do be doing very well emotionally.
I, on the other hand, will evidently take more time to recover. The months after the accident were filled with helping my daughter, medical appointments, dealing with insurance, my 14 year old’s birthday party, a trip to visit friends and relatives out of town in December, and all that goes along with Christmas. In the busyness I had little time to deal with anything emotional and I was primarily running on adrenaline.
The adrenaline has now run out and the trauma of the last few months is just now surfacing for me. I have days where my brain and body simply do not function and I have to spend time sleeping, reading and watching movies.
My very wise counselor told me to rest as much as possible, keep life stress free and don’t expect much from myself — pretty difficult news for an achiever personality like me!
Thank you so much for your prayers, encouragement and patience as we try to get back to normal. The blog hasn’t been all that I want it to be but it is what I can do for now. Thanks for being a faithful reader!
Thank you so much Eileen!
You sound like me Lisa – lots of sleeping and lying down to rest. I pray that God will continue to give you grace as you care for your daughter and I pray for a miraculous healing!
That is a really good point Linda. Thank you for your prayers. 🙂
Really great advice! Thank you so much!
Thanks so much for your prayers Katherine!
You have perfectly stated what my counselor told me Sharon. Thanks for your encouraging words!
Wow Jami! That sounds scary. So glad that your son is okay!
Thank you for your prayers!
Thanks so much for your encouragement Karen! You are so right and I am sorry that you had a hard time with your son’s accident but I am glad to know that it is normal to feel this way.
Thanks so much for your encouragement Ashley!
Thanks Angie!
Good for you for starting to do things that restore you Emilie! Thanks for your prayers.
Thank you Beth! I am so happy that you are enjoying your children. It really does go by faster than you think. 🙂
I am glad to hear that things are settling down. Yes, take the time to rest. I wish I could do that too. Maybe someday! I am trying to take time to really enjoy my kids though!
Taking time for myself is my biggest struggle. I feel guilty that things are not getting done, or I have had to say no. I too am learning that sometimes you take care of everyone else and when it gets to a point that they can care for themselves, then I can take care of myself. I hope to someday be able to put myself first in the line up but for now I take care of myself really well when I get the chance. I am going to restorative yoga twice a month and while I am there I really try to focus on me. Take the time you need! We are all saying prayers for you and your daughter.
Good for you for starting to do things that restore you Emilie! Thanks for your prayers.
Hi I wanted to tell you she will make it through this and the pain will be a reminder of why your here. Her rock and shoulder. She is still here and you need to remind yourself in those moments she’s a fighter and here for a good reason. Best of hope. Don’t let the sadness get your down. It’s all working out she is alive and wonderful still. Good wishes here.
PTL that she is recovering……….as mothers we tend to feel more than daddy’s so I think it takes a bigger toil on us……we are the main caregivers. I struggled for months after our son”s accident & even when he was walking again….praying for your strength & healing (((hugs)))
So wonderful to read about your daughter, Kimberlee! Youth bones are amazingly resilient – our son broke his neck in middle school (not low enough to cause paralysis, thankfully!) and his doctor was in awe of how well the fused bones healed. Our adult emotions need a bit more tender care apparently. 🙂 Saying a prayer for you!
Glad your daughter is healing so well. As a mom, when it comes to our kids, and especially a critical event like an accident & injury, we are totally focused on their road to recovery. You don’t even have time to think of yourself. But often, when the patient starts doing better, its now time for the caregiver to “break down” a little because you’ve been holding everything together for so long, and showiing so much strength & faith, in that time of extensive stress & worry. Don’t feel guilty if you are needing more rest, and that your emotions are coming to the surface now. It can take weeks & months for those feelings to show themselves, and your body is recovering now slowly from those months of stress. You’re a great mom!!
I am thrilled to hear that your daughter is returning to normal life and moving forward. That is an answer to prayer. It makes sense to me that Mom has to get past the crisis before she has time to process the crisis. It is ever thus. Our prayers continue for you to find your way forward. I am sure that the gracious God who wrought healing for your daughter will not forget you.
Blessings to you and praise to the Holy One who does all things well.
In Christ,
Katherine
Awesome news on your daughter… thank you Lord!
We are wonderfully made… God created us so that when a crisis comes we respond and have the ability to take care of what needs to be taken care of … then when the crisis is over… we step back to breathe and realize we feel as if we have nothing left. My mom has had dementia for 8 years and forgot how to walk 3 years ago. My dad was devastated when that happened… and for about 3 months could hardly function. He had learned to deal with the dementia issues but to have her go to bed was a severe loss… and as delicatefade said – he was probably numb. Over the last 3 years I have learned that periodic breaks for the caregiver is imperative… if you want to be around for the long haul. I have to help him take breaks too… as we both take care of mama together.
Take some time and rest… get one of your daughters to help you with the blog for a week or so and just concentrate on your healing… cry when the tears come – don’t deprive yourself of those cleansing tears… pray and read your Bible… After a bit you will find yourself wanting to get busy with a project… find a different one… this will be part of your therapy…
ps: to delicatefade – i say to you… when we found out my 2yo grandson had classic symptoms of autism and he had quit speaking – i kept telling myself – he could be dying of something xyz…. and he’s not. [for those of you who this is a reality – I am profoundly sorry]. we can do something with this. that helped put it in perspective for me. i know the grief – you grieve over things lost – hopes and dreams — the things your child may never experience. i began to educate myself on autism and i did whatever i could to help my d-n-law with all the overwhelming changes in their life/diet etc. i say to you – begin to start reading all you can about deafness in children and slowly you will find your way. I will pray for you and your family’s journey.
God Bless and take care ya’ll!
I will include you in prayers, my dear. I’m “that hip replacement gal”, and I *do* understand how compelled you feel to accomplish things. Try to remember that you are honoring your Maker by resting and healing.
Hii, I am the mom with the 18 year old daughter that has been in bed for almost 3 years now with POTS/dysautonomia, but she can walk and they say that physical therapy and lots of it, are one of the answers to getting well. God gives us the grace and strength to get through these difficult crises and then we collapse and need rest.The definition of rest for me was laying in bed, watching movies and Andy Griffith, laying on the couch,I hired a young girl to come cook a couple of days a week and somebody to do my laundry,sleeping extra long, taking a nap,resting resting resting until I had strength and was ready to get going again. What is happening is perfectly normal! He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul.Psalm 23
Your blog is, as usual, quite wonderful. I am glad that you have someone to tell you to take it easy on yourself. Your health and well-being (and that includes mental/emotional stress) are essential to your continuing to be of help with your daughter’s recovery. I send mighty currents of God’s healing power to you and your daughter that all remnants of this accident are healed and removed.
Continued prayers
Thank you Kim!
So glad your daughter is healing…now it is your turn to heal. Sending prayers…
Thank you!
Yes Patricia! God was very gracious to us.
I’m sure this all has taken a lot out of you. But the Lord will sustain you and you will get your strength back. I will pray for you.
Thanks so much Julie!
Thanks so much Julie!
I can relate right now. After a whirlwind few weeks personally, and months of wondering and tests, we found out yesterday that our 22 month old daughter is profoundly deaf. I feel numb right now, but I know I will wake up and have to deal with this all. Thanks for sharing with us.
Oh, I am so sorry! I pray that God will give you lots of grace to deal with this.
Praying for you! May God’s grace fill you and give you peace.
Thanks Angie!
So very glad that your daughter is doing so well! It will take some time for you to recuperate…as caregivers we give our all when we are needed so desperately and when that need is over we feel like we have to play “catch-up” with everything that we let go. My husband was undergoing cancer treatments everyday for 3 months where we had to drive 100 miles everyday for it. Everything was on a as needed basis – even grocery shopping! He has been in remission now for 6 months (praise God!) I am just now starting to feel back to normal. Take your time. Emotions will take more out of you than physical stuff.
I am so glad that your husband is in remission JoAnn! Thanks for your encouragement.
I am so happy that your daughter is almost fully recovered. Our prayers were answered!
Yes Patricia! God was very gracious to us.