Have you ever had one of those light bulb moments where you suddenly realize something important about yourself? I had one of those this past weekend.
It all started when I moved a partially finished vision board (started in August of this year) for the hundredth time. It struck me that I have been moving this thing around for months rather than finishing it.
I decided that maybe it was time to work on the board again.
Often times there are things rolling around in my subconscious that only come out when I am art journaling or making a vision board. This was one of those times.
As I worked I decided that I wanted to add my name to the board in a specific place. I had cut out the words “All You Need Is” and I felt that the words should go next to my name. I hesitated because it felt like I was saying that all I need is myself, and I know that’s not true.
Suddenly I had an epiphany: I was not impressed to put the words together in order to say that I am all that I need.
I put the words together because all I need to do is to BE myself.
EUREKA!
I have been struggling for months because I have been trying to be something else.
My struggle began when I received some harsh criticism from several people. I was honestly shocked and hurt by the response at the time. As I put the board together I realized that because I had been hurt, I chose to hide. I had believed the lie that it was easier to please people by being who they wanted me to be, rather than being who God created me to be.
The problem with that choice is that suppressing who I really am has created emotional and spiritual death for me.
Evidently I am not the only one who deals with this. My teenage daughter recently wrote this:
“I think it’s funny how people don’t know how to be different. For example God has called us as Christians to be different from the world but there’s a whole other level of creativity and uniqueness that God designed for us.
We are not only made to be different from the world but different from each other. I feel like just because God told a certain person to do something does not mean you should do it too. Even if it is from God, he told THAT person to do it.
God has his own relationship with you and it’s different than the one he has with your mom or your pastor and he’s telling you different things. And I do realize that God can speak to the whole body through one person but don’t be afraid to listen to the Holy Spirit for yourself.”
From the mouths of babes, as they say. I find it humorous that my teenager who would normally be struggling with peer pressure at her age, is handling it better than her mother.
So, I am making a New Year’s Resolution (never mind that it’s a little early).
I am going to do my very best to be myself and to stop comparing myself to others or worrying about what people think.
I am sure that it will be a struggle. Ironically I even asked my husband if I should publish this post because it might be offensive. If you are one of those offended, please know that it is not my intention to offend you, but to encourage you to be who you truly are (and allow others to be who they are).
Is it just me, or do you struggle with being yourself? Leave a comment if you’d like.
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The struggle is real…god love you and shame on those who criticize you. I tend to adapt to my surroundings and I know it’s not me but everyone else is happy. Once you do this for so long it just becomes natural. Unfortunately there are days I sit and think what is it I like, what would I like to do? Life is good and my family is wonderful I think this happens more then we think. Thank you for writing this!
My pleasure Angela! It’s sad, but comforting to know that others deal with this like I do. Thanks for taking the time to leave some encouragement.
Oh wow! I had spent my entire life trying to be someone I just wasn’t. And that someone changed all the time, depending on what church I went to, what my husband wanted, what homeschool moms did and dind’t do…. ad nauseum.
Ten years ago, I had a total and complete mental breakdown. Circumstances in my life had triggered past abuse issues and I completely and totally lost the ability to pretend to be “okay”. or “fine”.
It was the best road the Lord had ever put me on…. altho I would have argured that point during the ten years that followed!
Number One: I have nothing left to prove to anyone. Nothing. To anyone. Not even my children, who I kept trying to prove that I was a good mom to. When you spend ten years in and out of “behavioral health” hospitals, in weekly therapy, on psychotropic medication, the ones who care about you become written in stone, and everyone else stops mattering.
Number Two: I have a knowing in my knower that I am dearly loved by God. I am forgiven. I am accepted. Jesus died a horrible death for me… because He loves me. His hand in my life has been proven, over and over again. All that I am, all that I have is because of Him. NOT up to me! Nothing can separate me from this love!
Number Three: I know my husband loves me. More than I ever imagined. I know that he will always love me and will never desert me, regardless of how I am.
Number Four: I have 4 of the most well adjusted, balanced, confindent children anyone could hope for. My children have been thru the fire with me, we all went thru it as a family, and they are rock solid in their relationship with Jesus.
Number Five: I have a church family I would have never appreciated had they not stood with me and loved me thru the worst of it, even tho they did not understand and didn’t know what to do.
I am a whole person. I am myself. And I’m perfectly okay with that. =:)
Beautifully said Kari!
What an awe-inspiring post!
It’s not just you, Kim. At 33, I am still struggling with myself. I am a jill of all trades, or at least I try to be one but I see no success nearby. I do all things just so I feel accomplished but in reality, I do not know where I am going.
I am a work in progress, but I don’t know if I am even progressing 🙁
Hi Kimberlee,
Thanks so much for sharing your insight with us. That’s something I’ve often struggled with, and it’s reminders like yours that help bring me back to what I need to be doing…instead of trying to be more like “so and so” instead of myself. Your daughter sounds like a very smart young lady to make such an astute observation!! Thanks for sharing her words with us!! I’ve never really thought about it in that way, but it’s sooooo true! Just because God wants someone else to do/be something, it doesn’t mean the same is true for me, and vice-versa. Thanks again!
You are very welcome Stephanie. Her words were a good reminder for me too. 🙂
Kimberlee,
I just read this post along with all the wonderful (and grateful!!) comments, along with the ASPIRE entry you posted on August 30th. The comments there are also as equally moving. Look what you have blessed us all with! If that’s not a given talent, I don’t know what is. Good luck with your next step, whatever that may be; surely you’ll be wildly successful, as only YOU could be. Thanks for continuing to motivate and encourage us all.
Heather
Thank you Heather. I think that is exactly what God is trying to encourage me about–be myself online as well as off. 🙂
LOVE this post. Love when you discover those moments and realized it, and grabbed on to it! Often those moments go sliding by because it is easier to carry on than stop and take a “moment”
Heres to many more MOMENTS!
Cheers
Thanks Julie–I’ll take a look at it.
I just found your page a few days ago (via Pinterest) and was drawn in by your willingness to share all your financial tips. All Thanksgiving break I could not quit thinking about getting back to this site. I read this post and am even more delighted at your willingness to share your struggles. I think that what you are doing here is fantastic. I also wanted to share something similar that Jesus revealed to me recently. The things that we sometimes view as criticism or failures are actually Jesus reminding us that there is no one who loves us as much as Him; and no role that should be more important than serving Him. If we put our identity into things like being a mom, a good wife or employee (roles that are all positive and should be taken seriously) than he can use small hints to remind us that those are positive roles that can become idols if we don’t put our identity into being His first and foremost. Although the criticism/failures can hurt our pride or cause hurt and anger in the beginning, I find myself (later in hindsight) being excited that my God is so jealous for me that He will bring down other things that I put before Him. All struggles are a small jolt to my figurative foundation and if my foundation shakes or crumbles than it is a big red flag that my foundation was not currently on Christ the Solid Rock. Thanks so much for reminding me of this and a big future thanks for the positive impact you will have on my new little family.
Thanks for that insight Shayna. It is so easy to become distracted.
Glad you like the website. 🙂
I loved this post and I am so thankful that you shared it. This is something I have struggled with for years. The Lord currently has me in a job setting where I am dealing with this issue every day. The Barlow Girls have a song called Mirror that I sing a lot when I am really struggling in this area. Some of the lyrics are ” who are you to tell me that I’ m less than what I should be….I won’t even listen to the list of what I should be I won’t try… I’m looking into the eyes of Him who made me.”
Thank you so much Kimberlee! I have also been awake most of the night, trying to figure out how to provide a Christmas for my family that will not leave everyone feeling deprived. I think you hit the nail on the head about being different! Shame on me for not remembering the true meaning of Christmas and worrying more about gifts for everyone instead. Why should I go into debt just to keep up appearances. What does that teach my son about the true meaning of Christmas. If my friends and family truly care about us they will understand that we can not do this much this year. I need to remember that God gave us a great gift and it had nothing to do with ipads or anything else materialistic.
I am so sorry that you are experiencing financial difficulties. We are actually having a tight Christmas as well and I decided to serve cheap meals this next week in order to save some money for gifts. We will spend money for the kids only and explain the situation to everyone in our extended family.
You are right that Christmas is not really about the material things, but maybe it will feel better if you can give your child one thing that he wants. I just found something cute at the thrift store for one of my daughters and I was so excited.
I hope you enjoy your family and have a peaceful Christmas!
It is 4am I have been awake since 1am. I was laying in bed thinking about how I have become so wrapped up in the world that I have missed being still and waiting for God to speak to me, to direct me. I have been at loose ends and have been trying to fill my time with keeping busy. I realized while laying there thinking that I need to be still and listen. I finally got up, turned on the computer and here was your post. I have been trying to conform and I should be striving to be what God wants me to be not what the world thinks I should be. Your words spoke to me. Thank you for sharing and making my day!
Thank you so much for letting me know Liz! “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” 🙂
I love you so much!! 🙂 You are such a blessing to me and my family, even miles apart! 😉 Your Creativity, Confidence and boldness has drawn me to you from the first day we met at ARC. I have gained so much Wisdom, ideas, etc from you without you even knowing it on a daily basis, It’s so crazy (and true) how the enemy can take a few words that plant seeds in us and we carry weights from it, I’ve been intimidated by people my whole life and a year ago allowed some things spoken about me to really take root. I’ve been spending several months now allowing God to Dig up those roots and bring healing…It’s a process but one I know will bring me closer to my destiny! It’s so hard for me to not let the opinions of others or the possibility of Offending someone control my every movement. I can’t imagine anyone having a negative thing to say to you, but I’m thankful the Lord is walking you through the process of seeing yourself the way HE sees you and not worrying about anyone else. I’m so blessed by you, so know that there are those of us who are happy to have you in our life and let the naysayers find someone else to pick on! 😉
Thank you SOOOOO much Shelley. I really appreciate your encouragement and your friendship. I am so glad that God is healing you. 🙂
I am 72 and have worked with the church youth group since 2001 when my grandson joined. When he graduated and moved on, I stayed. Last week I was asked to give the message…not a first, I’ve done it several times but not recently. I suggested that I make Samson my story of the day. The (relatively new) youth pastor said he would rather I’d talk about my own story. Well, I’d rather not, I hate the tears and the raw memories although the “end” is a happy one. So, I did it. I filled up more than an hour and the kids were silent and still all the way…2 heard what they specifically needed to know. That they were not alone in this experience. And there is hope. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.
I loved this. I read it over and over hoping it would give my heart a break. I am frozen with the burden of losing myself and letting others opinions define who I am. I can’t find God. But I will continue to look, continue to read the words of even a teen and her mother…I will find myself again!! It does make me happy that you overcame the weight others tried to put on you!
Oh Michelle, I am so sorry that you are feeling that way. I am finding my way slowly by making a list of things that I enjoyed once and trying them again. I am journaling and reading and taking time off for myself. I pray that God will comfort your heart and speak to you as only He can. He is right there with you. Sending hugs your way. { { } } 🙂
Kimberlee,
Most of my life I have been vilified by the very people I loved most for being who I am. Then I became a parent, and the ugly things continued. My family was caught in a cycle of dysfunction that I refused to be a part of or have my children be a part of. For 40 years I continued my path but deep inside I questioned if there were truly something wrong with me. Finally, I got a clue. I am exactly as God meant me to be. I am the parent to my children because God made me the right one to raise them (two of them have Asperger’s syndrome) He used my path as a child to make me accepting of people for who they are and not a “cut out” of what society says we should be. Finally, I have no doubts of who I am or what I should be. I am exactly as God meant for me to be, and I am at peace. Your website is inspiring and your words are kind. You are exactly who God meant for you to be. Peace and love to you and your family. Dana
Thank you so much Dana. I am happy for you that you have been able to work through such difficulties. It’s good to come to a place of acceptance.
Great post. Thanks for sharing. Can you tell me more about “vision boards”? Or where to find a previous post that discusses them?
Hi Christie! Thanks for asking because it helped me to realize that I have not done a good job of explaining that. Here is a link to a post where I wrote a little about it: https://thepeacefulmom.com/2012/08/30/beyond-28000-a-year-a-desire-for-more/. Basically a vision or inspiration board is a collection of words, phrases and pictures that represent your goals in life or for a specific purpose. For example, if you want to re-decorate a room you can make a board with photos you collect from magazines, fabric scrapes and paint chips. If you want to run a 5k or marathon, you can make a board with your training schedule, encouraging words and photos that represent you as a healthy and strong runner.
Really a board can be anything you like. I usually use a foam core board, but you can use a large sheet of paper or a poster board. I cut photos from magazines that I like and place them in a folder until I feel ready to put the board together, or I leave the board on my desk and place the items on without gluing them until I think I know what I want it to look like. You can also make a visual journal in a notebook or bound journal.
Don’t worry about making it perfect. Just get started. If you decide to change it, you can remove what you have and start over! 🙂
Thank you so much for being transparent in your writing. I have struggled, my entire life, with caring too much about what others think and how they view me. It’s exhausting. I had a realization recently that I’ve never felt good enough in anything I’ve done. I know that’s where I need to rely on God more. He made me who I am and I need to care more about what He thinks than what others think. It’s a daily struggle for me. Thank you for encouraging me just by your honesty!
You are right– it is exhausting. I am so glad that you were encouraged Christy.
Thank you so much for this, Kimberlee! This is exactly what I have been going through lately and your daughters words really cut to the heart (tell her thank you for allowing you to share her words here, from me). I actually just wrote a blog post on this and came to the conclusion that God already approves of who I am so I need to stop being concerned with whether others approve of me or not. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Kimberlee, thank you so much for sharing this post. I find I have a really hard time just letting myself be me. I’m afraid I spend a lot of time trying to be what others expect me to be instead of just allowing myself to be me. I am also going to make an effort to better with this in the coming months ahead. I hope that I can still find the real me. Thanks again for sharing today!
You are very welcome Sharon. Don’t beat yourself up, it’s hard not to try to meet the expectations of others. Let’s just take it one step at a time. 🙂
Thank you so much for writing this. Really encouraging to me & i appreciate your putting into words, Thank you again.
You are very welcome Jae-Jae!
I love this post, & the reason why is several years ago I had to come to the same realazation to just be myself. I also had some criticism & it hurt, but had to overcome it, now I’m just myself & much happier. We are to serve God not people.
Good for you for making the decision to just be yourself, and thanks for encouraging me. 🙂
Thank you for sharing this 🙂 I’m glad your blog is different from other blogs.
Thanks for the encouragement Suzanne–it’s hard to be different, but that’s what I feel I need to do. 🙂
I have experienced this myself..this emotional and spiritual death you speak of. It has taken me a long time to heal. It is very hard for me to deal with or “get over it”…if people are angry, offended, or just doesn’t like me or how I do things. I always feel the need to please people. However, that is not what I am here for. I am here to serve God and be who he wants me to be, not who people think I should be. I didn’t realize this was holding me back from many things in my life. Now that I have decided to be ME, amazing things are happening for me and my family!! Thank you for your honesty! YOU rock Kimberlee!
That is so exciting Emily. Thanks for sharing your story!
I got fired from my job yesterday. In a voicemail. After thinking and praying about it, God told me that He has something planned for me. I could have taken this rejection really hard, but God will, and is, using it to shape me onto who He has planned for me to be. And since He loves me and takes me as I am, in mid-process, I can have peace and rest in His love.
Thank you for your honesty and desire to be obedient. God will bless that. Don’t take rejection too hard. Ask God if there is some truth in what these people say, and take it as an opportunity to improve in certain areas, but you are loved and you are enough based on His sacrifice. How wonderful and freeing is that?!
Wow Becky–I am so sorry! That is rotten timing, but I am really proud of you for taking time to pray about it. You are right, it is freeing to realize that my value is not based on what people say. Thanks!
this is so true Kimberlee and very timely for me to read this as I take a break from preparing for Thanksgiving..I struggle every year with is my house clean enough and the food good enough…and will I be dressed ok…yada yada yada… needed this reminder to just be myself…thank you…I love who you are…your authentic self….hairspray and all…LOL love you and hope you have a good Thanksgiving…Mona
Thank you Mona for being your wonderful self and encouraging me!
Kimberlee,
I appreciate your courage in sharing this insight. God wired each one of us as he did for a reason, and it was a good reminder for me too!
Thank you Harriette!