Living on Less Than $28,000 A Year: How our family of six survives (and even thrives) on an income that is less than half the national median income, and what the government calls “below the poverty line” (less than $29,990 annually) for our family size. Click here to read other posts in this series.
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When many people find out that we live below the “poverty line”, they are shocked. “How can you allow yourselves to live like that?,” they think (or say). I imagine that they picture dirty, half-naked, starving children running around barefoot and they are appalled that we could live under those conditions. Um, we don’t.
There is a HUGE difference between poverty and frugality, although many people confuse the two. There are many contributing factors to someone living in poverty but much of a person’s situation can be attributed to mindset. What is the difference between one man with no legs who sits on a street corner begging in filthy rags and another who has the same disability yet chooses to find work to support his family? What about the double amputee who participates in the paralympics?
Yes, circumstances can be difficult, but we don’t have to stay in our circumstances. We can make choices to change our lives.
When we picture “poverty”, we think of beggars and starving children, but many people with nice incomes live in “poverty” right now because of the way they think. See if any of these mindsets sound familiar:
Poverty Vs. Frugality
“We can’t afford that.” vs. “We choose not to buy that because we have other priorities.”
“There is never enough.” vs. “We have more than we need.”
“Doing without.” vs. “Making do.”
“We can’t make it.” vs. “Let’s do everything in our power to make this work.”
“We have to eat macaroni and cheese because we can’t afford good food.” vs. “We choose to eat macaroni and cheese once a week in order to save money for something more important.”
Impoverished thinking makes people discontent, always striving and never arriving. No matter how much money they make, they can never be at peace.
A poverty mindset is based in fear. It makes you feel out of control and helpless.
Choosing to Live On Less
Choosing to live frugally, however, is empowering. You are in control of your money and don’t allow your circumstances or other people to control your actions.
Choosing to live on less brings freedom. You no longer have to use credit cards in case of an “emergency” car repair. You are fully aware that car repairs will be needed and you save ahead of time for them.
Choosing to live on less brings peace and contentment. You have patience to wait until some “needs” can be met because you are not driven by the fear that your needs will never be met. You don’t have to run out to the store immediately when one of your dishes breaks, because you realize that you can get along just fine with only 7 plates instead of 8 (or 19 instead of 20). You don’t feel that you need a new pair of shoes just because the heels are slightly worn on the ones you have.
Choosing to live on less means that you choose how and when and where to spend your money. You make your financial decisions based on what is best for you and your family, not what the neighbors think.
Paddling Upstream
Living this way can be difficult. I have a friend whose husband is a successful executive. They make a very nice six figure income, but she still chooses to use coupons.
At a recent party she hosted, she nicely folded the tissue paper after the guest of honor opened her gifts. Her well-to-do friends started making fun of her, but she kept folding the paper. She told me later,”You know, I may have only saved a few dollars by recycling the gift bags and tissue paper, but that’s one reason we have savings instead of debt.”
Her friends think she has a poverty mindset, but it’s just the opposite. My friend is not afraid to spend or save her money in a way that brings financial freedom to her family, in spite of extreme peer pressure to stop her money saving activities. She is choosing to live on less in order to fulfill a higher priority in her life.
Ghosts From Childhood
Many of us grew up in homes that were financially confusing. Our parents may have spent too much or hoarded out of fear. As adults we live in reaction to the way we grew up, whether we realize it or not.
Maybe you grew up in a home where there was never enough food, so now you feel compelled to keep a well-stocked pantry. There is wisdom in having extra food in your house, but if you are driven by fear to stockpile and you are spending money that is needed to pay other bills, you have a problem. (You can read about how I overcame a fear of not having enough in my e-book Save More–Clip Less.).
Keeping Up Appearances
Did you know that most people who look “wealthy” really aren’t? In the book The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America’s Wealthy, author Thomas J. Stanley reveals that most Millionaires drive older used cars or trucks, wear non-designer clothes and aren’t really that noticeable in society. Why? They are putting their money where it counts, not spending money to impress people they don’t even know.
If you have an inkling that you might be living with a poverty mindset, try these ideas to step out of it:
*Get the big picture-Start to meditate on the difference between deprivation and a choice to save money now so that you can be more secure later.
*Consider your past– Think about what may be causing your spending behavior. Is there something you are trying to gain emotionally from spending? Seek out counseling or start praying about the issue.
*Decide your priorities– Decide what you really want deep down and start to make financial choices based on those priorities, rather than allowing others’ expectations to control you.
*Don’t give up-Don’t let little mess-ups discourage you. Keep plugging away at your financial goals.
Please Note: This is not a discussion of how and why people live in poverty around the world, so please reserve those comments for another time. Please do feel free to comment on how a poverty mindset affects you personally or how you have overcome it.
next post: Don’t Your Kids Resent You?
Click here to read other posts in this series.
You’re so wise 🙂 I have to catch myself sometimes, because I get into that poverty mindset too. We have more than we need, but there is always someone who has more, or looks like they have more! This was an excellent reminder to focus on what is positive, and what is most important in my life.
As a 17 year old girl who is more financially independent than most teenagers, I agreed with this comment a lot! While other kids have money to spend on clothes and movies, I spend my money from my job on things like my car insurance, gas, and my phone bill. I save all the rest. I only spend money when I need to. Sometimes, I am jealous that other people have money to spend on fun things, but this post reminds me that my money can go to much more meaningful things. I think this will help me a lot in my adult life.
This post really hit home for me. I’m from a broken home, one parent was frugal and one tried to buy my love when I visited. No wonder I have a very skewed outlook on money. I look forward to your entries as it is helping me with my debt and my crazy outlook about money/life. I clip coupons and do menus. I just need to get rid of debt and rearrange my thoughts of want vs need. It’s hard after being this way for 37 years.
It is hard Julie, but so worth it. You can do it!
Good disclaimer at the end – I was feeling squirmy anticipating the backlash of comments about people “choosing” poverty when you are actually discussing a poverty mindset. So thanks for heading off that storm!
I completely agree that living on a lower income (relatively speaking in the US) is largely what you make of it and the attitude with which you approach your situation and choices. I loved your statement that choosing frugality is empowering, as that is how I feel most of the time. However, I do sometimes fall prey to the poverty mindset, woe is me, we don’t make as much as the Joneses, etc. In the end, what brings me back is the joy we have in our family despite a huge surplus of stuff and money, and the number of times I see despair in families that do.
This has been a great series. Thank you!
Thanks Marie. 🙂
I like being Frugal and enjoy challenging myself to get my expenses lower each month.
When I told friends that I was making my own laundry detergent, many of them laughed. Then when they found out how much money I was saving, they seemed impressed but said they were to busy to take the time to make up the batches. Their time was worth more to them.
A week later, one of the girls came to me and asked for the recipe. Her husband lost his job and they have children and were having a hard time with money.
She now has come to me many times and to ask me for more ways to save.
No one knows when our incomes could reduce. I personally became a one income household and recently bought a home at the age of 50. I have set goals for myself. I want to pay off my house early and retire. If I can save $15.00 per gallon by making homemade laundry detergent, then that is what I will do!!!
Im proud to be frugal!!! I am not in poverty!!!
Food for thought, thank you for the post!
as i was reading your post, i kept yelling to the monitor, “PREACH IT, SISTER!”
my mother tells me how i’m ruining my son because we’ve done away with cable. i just remind her that she didn’ thave a television until she came to this country and she turned out pretty ok.
i grew up with both my parents having horrible money issues: wanting to keep up with the joneses and gambling issues. luckily, things are better now… but i had to get far away from that before i was able to see the big picture.
Haha Lizbeth–you made me laugh! I think you are probably avoiding the ruining of your son by doing away with cable. 🙂
Just brilliant! I find myself falling into that mindset where I will panic and wish we had more, just because we are the ‘poor relatives’. But truth be told we have plenty. I just need to relax and not worry what other people think so much. Thank you for this post, it is a Godsend. 🙂
We all need a reminder from time to time. 🙂
Love this post:) Isn’t it truly amazing how our minds work. We too have chosen to live more frugal so we can pay down debt that we aquired when we wasn’t as frugal. Not always the easiest thing to do but deffinately worth it.
I really love this series. I’m young (23), and living on my own is a little daunting. I’m trying to figure out how to manage my finances, and stumbling on your posts was a wonderful thing for me. 🙂 This post about poverty streamlines with much of the thoughts I’ve been dealing with lately – that my thinking about any subject, whether it’s poverty or my secret attitude towards my job, really shapes how I approach everything and “deal”.
“Choosing to live on less means that you choose how and when and where to spend your money. You make your financial decisions based on what is best for you and your family, not what the neighbors think.”
This has been a hard one for us- we are still trying to find the most tactful ways to tell people to kindly remove their noses from our business- difficult, especially with family!
My husband is just really starting to come around to the concept of frugal living vs. having a poverty mindset, but is still very bothered by what others may think. He’s learning though! I have a problem feeling like I need to justify to people what we DO spend, when really it is no one’s business! We live on a shoe string budget, so we don’t have cable. But we DO have internet and Xbox live, (We also have netfix but it was a birthday present from my best friend) . I trip over telling them that we have x amount for family entertainment that we all decided we wanted it to go to Xbox and part of the internet, that we did away with cell phones to cover the rest of internet, that this is what works for us- I think I need to change my answer to “Because we made the CHOICE to spend this money on our family.”
In most cases, true poverty actually has everything to do with money! Even if one has a frugal mindset and a debt-free lifestyle (and yes, even a grateful heart), many people live in true poverty because there is just not enough money for basic needs (rent, food, and especially meds and healthcare). I know elderly people and single mothers in this situation. Please take care in explaining this. Although you live modestly, your income would be considered quite grand by those who are making do on less than $10,000/year.
Thanks so much for this wise reminder, Kimberlee!
My husband and I are in the process of minimizing our possessions and re-thinking our budget. Our son keeps asking to live in a house with wheels, and we have wanted to travel for a while now, so the 2 ideas seem to be coming together in an RV as our semi-permanent home, or possibly a permanent home. I am currently pregnant with our 2nd son, and have some large bills coming up because our insurance does not cover the pregnancy or birth, but we are serious about changing our circumstances and living a life we want rather than just waiting for life to happen. And if choosing a “frugal lifestyle” to avoid having a “poverty mindset” will get us there, then I am all for it.
I like the reference to The Millionaire Next Door – and his word, “aspirationals” comes to mind often when I see what seems to be spending to keep up appearances (with extended family, church members, etc.). I like many things about social media, but the huge downside is the endless bragging and self-promotion among “friends”. Love this series.
Thanks Deanna. 🙂
God has given you amazing insight! Thank you for sharing it with us. You have blessed me today. My husband makes a very good salary, but I choose to make the most of it by living frugally. It also allowes me to be a stay at home mom for our 3 children. (Lizette, South Africa)
Outstanding article!! I give it a hearty “amen!”
Thanks Katie!
I’m sure this is going to come across as rude but I really am curious… Do you ever worry about your kids resenting you because of the choices you made? Had you chosen to work rather than stay home, the family would have significantly more money and therefore the kids could have had more of whatever. Could have gone out to eat more, had more clothes, enjoyed more entertainment, etc. I’ve always been very money-conscious but I feel like it’s a little selfish to make your kids live this super frugal lifestyle that you chose because you wanted to stay home rather than work. It’s easier for me to understand a family living an incredibly frugal lifestyle if both parents work and still only make $28,000, but you don’t have to live with so little income.
Hi Stephanie! I guess we will have to see what happens as our children continue to mature, but for now at ages 11, 14, 15 and 17, they are very content. They have plenty of clothes and my 14 year old very fashion conscious daughter is happy to find cute clothing on clearance and at thrift stores. We do lots of activities together as a family, we just do them for free or very cheaply, and God always provides things that we could never normally afford on this small of an income. Two of my teens just went to a local amusement park (through a day camp they are attending) and my youngest just participated in horse back riding camp for a week.
A lifestyle filled with shopping, restaurant visits and movies may seem exciting, but it isn’t necessarily fulfilling. We truly enjoy an amazing, peaceful, contented family life with all of our needs met and none of the stress of striving for more money. No, my children don’t get everything they want, but I would not do that to them if we made four times the income we make now. It is truly a disservice to teach children that they can get whatever they want, whenever they want it without any work involved. Real life doesn’t work that way.
I agree with you that it would be selfish to make my children go without just so I could be lazy and not work, but if you have read the other posts in this series then you know that our children are the very reason that I choose to stay home. While I don’t work outside the home, I work very diligently for our family cooking meals from scratch, cleaning, finding bargains, planning and maintaining this blog to make some extra money. I also spend lots of time interacting with our family and talking with them about what is going on in their lives.
If you ask them (which we just did recently), they would rather live the way we do than the way most Americans do. It’s difficult to understand when you are just reading about what we do rather than getting to know us personally, but I guess you will just have to take my word for it.
I grew up in a home very similar to this. We lived incredibly frugally. Yet, our family couldn’t have been happier. We learned at a very young age that “things” don’t bring happiness. We had great times as a family, enjoying simple activities. We learned to be grateful for the small things in life and when we occasionally got to enjoy “bigger” things, we had real appreciation for them. We never even knew that our home would have fallen into the poverty category. I am now in my early 30s and have never resented that I grew up like this. In fact, I appreciate in even more as time goes by. I learned so many lessons about life and what is truly important. I also can’t imagine a better gift from my parents than teaching us how to find contentment in a frugal lifestyle. My husband and I now want the same for our family, no matter what our income level is.
Hopefully our children will feel the same way. 🙂
Same here Alicia. I didn’t realize we were “poor” until I was 10. Even then, it was never really an issue and when my parents both got better jobs and we moved into a slightly bigger house, our life style didn’t change. My siblings and I worked for the little extras we wanted–I earned a $100 American Girl doll by washing dishes for a $1 a day–and that mindset continued when we were teens. I cleaned houses through high school and college so I had spending money. All 3 of us have college educations and my parents were not able to contribute more than the use of a family car (we chose to go to the local university, live at home, and use grants and scholarships). I’m now using my Life Lessons as a wife and mother. I wouldn’t trade those lessons for nicer things (none of which I would have now anyway, and it hasn’t been all that long…I’m only 27!)
Here is how I feel about raising my children in a home where we were super careful about spending money–I did my children a favor. They are now 25 and 21 with no undergrad debt. They can live on their own and know the value of working and saving for something. Both young adults are equipped with knowledge of costs of living and what is necessary and what are extras. We didn’t deny everything, but we were careful on what we chose and let our children in on those decisions. I am confident that my husband and I raised financially responsible people and they will continue going into the world with this knowledge.
I also grew up in a home like this. We didn’t have cable growing up, we didn’t go out to eat besides special occasions. I didn’t realize we were poor until I hit high school. But man did we have a blast! We camped and traveled and my parents would plan and save when they wanted to take us somewhere pricey (the movies, the waterpark.) I had the absolute BEST childhood. And never did I feel deprived. We were happy to spend time together and I think a lot of times those “things” are just another way to destract people from spending quality time together. I should also note that we are all still best friends. All 6 of us kids have gone to college or are currently attending (and good schools, too) without any financial help from our parents. I also find that while others are scared of the uncertainty of this economy I know my own little family can do it because my parents have shown me how. I don’t have cable now. We don’t own any gaming systems. Just about everything we own from our table to our Tv to our couches are second hand, BUT we’re happy and that’s because happiness doesn’t come from things.
I am fortunate that my husband has a good income, but when my second child was born I decided to stay home. We were unsure of how that would impact our lives so I saw it as my “job” to be frugal. The thermostat is always set higher or lower depending on the season, we rarely eat out, gifts are only give on birthdays and Christmas and we don’t buy designer anything. My children are now 15 and 18 and even though we could have given them more, we didn’t. My husband read the Millionaire Next Door years ago and we adopted that philosophy. I was also fortunate to be the child of parents who lived through the depression and told all those stories and instilled those values in me. Recently, before my son was heading off to college he thanked me for staying home and raising him. Even though there are times I wish I had a “career” that thank you was the best and biggest paycheck I could have ever gotten.
Love it! Thanks for sharing Karen.
Stephanie,
I’m the adult of parents who would give their kids a lot of things and pay for where they wanted to go. Yes, I was upset when the money finally stopped. My childish attitude did nothing for me. Both my parents worked and how I wish now that they would have spent more TIME with me instead of more money on me. Money will be spent and things disappear, but memories will last a lifetime. Your children may not appreciate it now, but think of how your children will be better off years down the road.
Well said. Time is so much more important than stuff. I think it’s unreasonable to teach kids that they can have anything and everything they want. When they get out of your house they will not be able to afford that lifestyle just starting out. It’s like setting them up for a lifetime of debt.
Just to clarify what is sometimes not always realized: with children in the family, there is PLENTY of “work” to do at home. Choosing to stay at home, especially to raise children, instead of working outside the home is the most UNSELFISH choice a mother could make in my opinion. I’ve been on both sides of the “work” coin, and it is much easier to work in a job outside the home than to stay home and raise children – a woman is STILL working when she is staying at home. And if a mother chooses/has to work outside the home, the work at home still has to be done in addition to the work required at her paying job. So double-work for that working mother.
I finally quit my outside job when my husband and I looked at our finances and we realized that I was not really making anything “extra”. I worked to have something to “do” and because I thought I was “supposed” to work a job outside the home. (Who says?) My income went to maintain my professional appearance (hair, clothes…), gas and wear and tear on our car, and whatever other costs were involved with my job, that all that was really left was $100 or so. So I’m driving 2 hrs round-trip, coming home tired at the end of day only to have to make dinner and do any household jobs after that for $100? Um, no, my working outside the home wasn’t cutting it. We both decided we’d be happier if I stayed home and took care of the household needs and let him bring home the bigger paycheck. And this was 20 years ago and BEFORE children! LOL! Now we have 4 children, and I do work outside the home part-time and on a very loose schedule (meaning, I can make the schedule myself) and I’m only 5 minutes from home when I am away. I work not for the money so much as to be a support in my community to breastfeeding moms who need support and help in breastfeeding. The little bit of money I bring home is a nice bonus to our budget but if I didn’t have this job tomorrow, it would be ok with me (I can still be available to help breastfeeding moms regardless). My point is that there’s plenty of work to be done by staying at home. Whether with children at home, or no children in the home, running a household IS work. Women who choose to stay at home are not necessarily being selfish and are probably actually doing one of the most selfless jobs out there, especially when there are children involved. Many moms find having an outside job easier, but realize that having that outside job, _when it’s not absolutely necessary_, does more harm to the children and the family than choosing to stay home. But that’s a whole other topic. BTW, I must add that I commend the single moms who HAVE to do two jobs, bring a paycheck home and still run a household, too. That is a difficult situation and presents its own set of challenges and I really admire the mothers who do this juggling act.
I am currently 23. I grew up in a family of 5 children with always at least 1 or 2 extra kids running around. My mother stayed home and my father worked. I never knew we were considered poor. I didn’t miss out on anything as a kid. We didn’t have tv, we played outside with other kids and were active. We were much healthier than other kids because of it. My mom is a genius at living frugal. I don’t know how she did it because we never missed out on anything. We would hit up the special times at the movies when kids got in free. Never went out to eat unless it was a special occasion. We did so much as a family. All 5 of us swam competively and we never once missed a swim meet. We would go to them but instead of staying in the teams hotel we would find a cheaper one and usually have more fun at those because they might be closer to the beach, we lived in Florida. My parents also would turn those travel meets into our vacations too by staying an extra day and doing the stuff in that town. We never had brand new cars. We also garage saled. And now at 23 I live on my own, bought myself a car and pay all my bills with extra money to save each month. I learned that I needed to work for what I get. I don’t feel bad when friends ask me to do stuff and I say no I wanna save my money because I know the value of a dollar and they were always given everything. I dont resent my parents and I don’t think your kids will resent you because they had to do without. Hope it makes you feel better.
My parents didn’t have much money when I was growing up either. My dad worked very hard, but we moved a few times and he had some job losses. Through my teens their income steadily increased though, as he took over his own business, and they live very comfortably now.
I never resented our simple lifestyle, but perhaps part of that was because I did not have friends who lived the high life. We didn’t have cable, we had satellite sometimes, but had no internet until I was 20!
If you raise your kids simply and teach them true values, true things of importance, how to handle their money – why would they grow up to resent that? They’d be stupid to do so.
Also I think your thinking is flawed. It is selfish of her to live frugally so she can actually be there more for her kids? It is selfish of her to not have the money to spend on things that don’t matter such as clothes, eating out and entertainment?
I disagree. Her kids are much better off not doing all those useless things, and having a mom that values spending time with them above material goods.
Also staying home rather than working is hardly the case. Staying home is a full-time job! My mom stayed home, and she had a full time job teaching us, cleaning the house, canning, cooking from scratch, and making a comfortable and happy home for us to live in.
I really liked this post. My husband and I had hit hard times for different reasons in the past. It also seemed that everything would hit us at once and there was little hope. As soon as a paycheck came in, it was spent on bills and simple groceries. Luckily, we found a strong faith in God and had great things and people put in our path along the way. My husband, who has always been hardworking, got a great job opportunity and now we actually have money in savings for the first time in almost 9 years. Because we have been without money for “needs” in the past, we are very careful and tell each other about every penny we spend. We coupon, budget, shop clearance racks etc.. I still have clothes that are 10 – 15 years old that i wear weekly. Stains and all, I am still happy to wear them! We feel very blessed for everything we have. I am thankful to have struggled, because it honestly makes us so much more aware of what we have now and makes us stronger in our commitment in each other and our goals.
This article really spoke to my heart, we have had a lot of unexpected expenses these last few months that make me feel like we are not making any headway despite our over the poverty line income and all our frugal living efforts combined. Reading this makes me realize I need to change my attitude! Thanks.
We can all use an attitude adjustment from time to time. 🙂 I’m sorry that you are in a difficult season, but I am sure that it will not be this way forever, especially when you are trying to live frugally!
Thanks for this post (and this series.)
We are trying to live more frugally, and getting better over time, yet still sometimes splurge every once in a while when we shouldn’t. But our goal is to kill debt, and one day we WILL get there!
I grew up with my dad raising my brother and I on his own and not having a lot of money. Times got even harder when my dad got laid off and it took him several years to find a steady, permanent job. And yet, while I remember being a bit jealous of what my friends had that I didn’t, I never felt without and I definitely learned to appreciate what I have.
I also learned young that a family can be totally fulfilled (maybe even moreso) without all the extras.
Even if we can afford it when the time comes, my kids aren’t going to get tons of toys and clothes, and do several different organized activities every week..I think that would do more harm to our family than good. We want our family to build more memories together than apart.
Thanks for pointing out how family time is much more important than the “extras” that our society tries to shove at us. Looking forward to the next post in the series! (There will be more, I hope!)
after reading the vs. things I realized I have the poverty mindset. I must break this! And it probably drives my husband crazy 🙁
“Poverty actually has very little to do with money and everything to do with mindset.”
I think that this CAN be true, but is not always the case. [Though our society has done a very good job of downplaying/ignoring class struggle for many decades.] However, aside from that…your statement absolutely did hit home with me.
My husband and I both grew up in homes with little money. My mom was flat broke most of the time. Have you seen the movie Erin Brokovich? The beginning where she lies to her kids about eating a big lunch? Yeah, that was my mom. My husbands family went through a similar issue when his father was injured and unable to work. But I realized while reading this that those instances have given us a poverty-like mindset. We also do live on about what you all do, but have only two small boys right now. We’re guilty of many of those comments above, but it’s nice to see the progress we’re making :). Thanks for your posts, it’s been helpful to see how someone else walks this road!
I honestly do not know how one chooses to have this so called “poverty mindset”. Your article makes it seem like those that live in poverty choose it. I assure you that I most certainly did NOT choose to be poor or live under the poverty level. I feel a bit insulted actually. We don’t overspend or live beyond our means. No “spending behavior” caused our financial issues.
Rather than making a long post about my personal situation, let’s just leave it at the fact that I do not believe in your “poverty mindset”. In fact, your article and many replies in comments here seem to come from a wealthy person’s mindset lol. Where people who do not need to scrape and save to get by choose to live on less.
Hi Shannon!
I can see your point. I think what I was trying to say is that no matter what your circumstances, you can choose to have an overcoming attitude and do whatever is in your power to improve your situation. It’s true that a few circumstances cannot be changed such as permanently debilitating health issues, but even then a person can choose to feel sorry for him or herself or choose to live the best life they possibly can and to help others along the way.
Look at Joni Eareckson Tada (read more here: http://www.joniandfriends.org/welcome/). She was paralyzed from the neck down in a diving accident as a teenager. She taught herself to paint using a paintbrush in her mouth, wrote books and founded a ministry that helps disabled people.
I personally had a poverty mindset and a feeling that there was never enough. I dealt with debilitating depression for many years because of sexual abuse that I suffered as a child. I made excuses about my spending because I felt sorry for myself and felt that I “deserved” to treat myself. I finally came to the realization that I had to be responsible to change my circumstances, or continue to live with the consequences of my actions.
I am very sorry that you felt insulted. I don’t know exactly what your circumstances are, but I pray that you can find hope and some ways to improve your situation.
Shannon, as someone who DOES struggle to make ends meet, I have to say that I agree with Kimberlee, but it’s because I read her article differently than you. We can’t always choose our circumstances or income level. However, we can choose our reaction to it. I wrote a similar article a while back actually, except that I used the term “poor” instead of “poverty” because I believe that being “poor” has more to do with attitude than money, and that’s kind of what I read Kimberlee to be saying as well. It’s the “mindset” that is chosen and not the circumstances. My family struggles to get by, but we are not poor.
Crystal
I LOVE the attitude of we struggle to get buy, but we are not POOR!
Shannon
I think the most important part is the “ATTITUDE” you take, which is what Kimberlee was trying to get across. You definitely choose to spend your money on rent for a home and food to eat rather than blowing it at the race tracks, you may have to struggle and scrape to get those things, but you are making the CHOICE to be a responsible loving adult and put your family first- And if we start to turn out head space around of it being a CHOICE to live frugally and provide the best in our ability for our families, then we can get away from that poverty mindset and the “poor me’s” and truly find happiness and blessings in what we DO have.
This is so true! I just posted a similar article a few weeks ago, called “poor is in the attitude.” It really is a matter of mindset and attitude! http://www.servingjoyfully.com/2012/06/06/poor-is-in-the-attitude/
thank you so much for this post. It really hit home for me. It made me realize that I can’t get out of debt because I feel like I would have to deprive myself of something rather than thinking of it as choosing to have other priorities…and doing everything in my power to make this work. Thank you. Thank you!!!
You are very welcome Kathy–so glad it helped. 🙂
Thank you for your post! As always, it was encouraging to my heart. I grew up in a family that lived near the poverty line but my parents (my mom stayed home to raise me) always had that frugal mindset. i never heard excuses or longings for want we didn’t have. Because of that I never knew we were poor, but rather learned to be content and that everything, especially our reactions are choices! I’m only 26 but I pray that throughout the rest of my years, regardless of my financial situations, I can keep this frugal mindset! Thanks for being so open with your life!
Thanks for letting me know Andy. I’m so glad that you felt encouraged. 🙂
Just found your blog. This is a great post. I am having trouble getting my husband out of the “poverty mindset.” We have 2 children and are living with my parents, and he makes well over 28K a year. He does not think we make enough to live on our own, he is always thinking, “we can’t make this work,” when I am thinking, “let’s do what we can to make it work” so we can live in our own place. He is afraid or unwilling to give up things he likes. It is frustrating. Maybe I can show him this and try to convince him otherwise!
It sounds like some marriage counseling may help too. It takes compromise from both people to make marriage work. 🙂
Hi Laura, I see what you’re saying and that can be rough. Just like Kimberlee chooses to give up nicer things so that she can be home with her family, it sounds like your husband chooses to give up living independently so that he can have other things that are more valuable to him. It’s hard when your priorities don’t match and that’s where marriage counselling might come in handy, A neutral party might be able to help you guys realize that your priorities are different but your goals (having a healthy happy family) are the same. And maybe they can help you figure out how you two can compromise on the priorities so that you’re working together to attain your common goal instead of trying to pick different paths. There are benefits to both your ways and his, and you’ll have to decide together how you can align your priorities. It may turn out that when it’s said and done, you’re the one to “give” because you’re also content to trade some independence for the security.
That’s probably what your dh feels by living with your parents, secure. It’s way more scary to be solely responsible for an entire family. Maybe he’s not ready, maybe he is and just needs a push. But no one can figure that out except the 2 of you. Something tells me you are doing pretty well and will continue living a great life, enjoy your kids!
I grew up living “below the poverty line”. We always had what we wanted. I love how you are brave enough to admit that you trust God to get you through what you can’t do by yourself. That’s how we made it through. Now that I have a family of my own we have more money than we ever had growing up. I realized (when my child asked if we could buy *that* about 20 times in one shopping trip) that I was not doing my kids any service by getting them the more expensive toys just because we could afford it now. My parents taught me about savings (once our money was in the bank, it DID NOT COME OUT!!), they taught me about spending less than I make, they taught me a lot of important financial things. I knew that if I wanted something I was in charge of making enough money to get it, because my parents didn’t have the means. I had been neglecting to teach MY children these important things. I can only imagine the disaster if they reach adulthood thinking they can buy whatever they want and not think of the consequences. Thank you for writing these articles. I’ve been looking for something like this (and my Heavenly Father knew that I needed to find this site). Thanks again.
You are very welcome Karen. I’m glad you found some encouragement and help here.
I was forced into early retirement a couple of years ago. I am a single mom with 2 disabled sons still living at home. Due to my focus on raising children (biological, foster, and adopted) I did not work during the years I was married, except sporadically. So, my social security is $700 a month. Because I was stupid in the past, I have NO savings or other resources. I am doing freelance writing to try and supplement my income.
I said all that to say this. The worst problem I have is that poverty mindset. I have trouble living with the fact that frugality is being forced on me, true, but I can embrace it instead of fight at it. That mindset causes me to spend money when I get “extra” in ways that do not help family lifestyles. I am working to overcome that mindset. I have not tried to budget in the past, because I think, “What can you do with $700/month?” But, I am working on a budget and changing the way I look at things.
I know exactly what you mean Evelyn. I would do the same thing: spend money on “fun” when we had it instead of paying what needed to be paid. You can do it. Hang in there!
Thanks. I am trying to overcome that. It is hard, because I feel so deprived sometimes, but I need to focus on the blessings I have instead of what i don’t have. i am searching for a job to go back to teaching, and praying hard that if it is the Lord’s will i will get it.
I pray that you will get the right job for you Evelyn. It is hard to keep a positive outlook when things are difficult, but I am really proud of you for being thankful. Gratitude is key. 🙂
Thank you. I have enjoyed this series very much.
You are very welcome Desiree. 🙂
I remember in Grad school explaining how I managed to live off a grad-school income and still eat well. You don’t need to eat mac n cheese! Just plan your meals to sales and eat less red meat (really, red meat is more expensive than fish where I live). Cheap healthy meals often include: Mexican (burritos with beans), grilled veggies over brown rice (use the same sale veggies in other meals too), homemade pizza (use the same sale veggies in other meals), and tuna salad (add lots of veggies like carrots, onion, celery, and cucumber or it will be too heavy). One of my friends buys the pizza dough on sale and makes things like calzones and fried veggie filled pockets, but I feel like that takes too long. However, those would also be cheap meals.
Wonderful article. My husband and I are struggling with this. I cam from a large frugal ( or as my mom says hillbilly) family while he is from a much smaller more financially stable family. Our pastor talks about breaking the poverty mentality. My husband thinks this means endulging in all of our wants and relying on God to provide. I think it means to me live within our means with the well thought out occational endulgence so we can be debt free before our unconcieved children are in school.
Thanks Tawna. One of the most difficult parts of marriage is coming into agreement about finances. Hopefully as you continue to communicate you can agree more on what the practicalities look like for your family.
My husband and I live very happily and comfortably on less than $1000 dollars a month, and I am so grateful we’ve been frugal in our marriage! We took a family finance class while we were engaged and it has made a huge impact on our financial decisions and on our marriage. I suggest EVERY couple, married or not, find a class in their community or read a book about the basics of money management together so they can be on the same page.
Thank you, you’ve given me a different perspective. How can i keep myself from telling my children “next time because we have no money now” what is a better way to say it. A frugal way?
What we say is we are choosing not to spend money on that because we are saving for ____________. I then invite them to save their own money if they would like to purchase the item. Does that help?
Another great post! This one reminds me of my favorite line from a song by The Submarines, “You, Me & The Bourgeoisie”:
Love can free us from all excess, from our deepest debt,
’cause when our hearts are full we need much less.
Wow!! Nothing else clearly explains how this hits home for me! We too have 4 growing children and live on my husbands income only (which is not as big as it was 5 years ago), I chose to quit work 2 years ago because my children are only going to be children for so long before they are grown. We no longer pay for private school and homeschool instead which we all love and feel is the best for us. We struggle monthly/daily with money issues. I have cried too many times at our utility bill and felt hopeless over our money situation more often than I can count. I didn’t realize until I read this that I had a poverty mindset and perhaps I spread that to my kids unknowingly. Never again will I tell them we can’t afford that, I will explain what we have instead. It will help all of us to look at things this way I am sure as at times my husband and myself get down about our financial situation. Thank you so much for this insight!
I am so happy Deb, thanks for letting me know!
What a refreshing read!
DH and I are planning on living on his income only in a few months (in the new year) in order to save my income to save for a home. We will need to live like this for about 5 years in order to have a decent amount so we don’t need to get a mortgage or at least much of a mortgage. This is a perfect scenario, so it will most likely be 6 years. Our goal is to not have to be forever in debt to the bank. We decided the end of the year, because it will give us a few months to replace large items that need to be replaced to hopefully hold most of large expenses off for awhile once we start the new savings plan. (My fridge is on it’s last legs for example. I keep expecting to come home from work and find a fridge full of spoiled food).
It’s going to be such a huge change basically cutting our income in half. I often find myself thinking of all of the things we won’t be able to do or buy when this change happens. This post really brings to light that we WILL have everything that we need. Why am I worried? We’ve gone over our finances so many times and know we can cover the basics, sp those thoughts shouldn’t cross my mind. This post is very enlightening. I guess the main stream mind-set of always needing or wanting is ingrained in me more than I thought. I really like the quote “Doing without vs Making do”. It’s all about how you look at it.
I LOVE your plan Nichanda! Sounds like you and your DH are two smart cookies. 🙂
I love your blog. I’ve only recently discovered it but it is the first frugal blog to truly give me hope. Until this post I couldn’t figure out what was different, now I know. It is your positive mindset.
We are currently a two full time income family. We aslo homeschool and are starting to foster. It works but only because we have sacrificed family time. Dh and I are always on opposite shifts. I’ve been desperately wanting to give up my full time job for part-time (I’m an RN) but just couldn’t see how we could make that happen since we are trapped by past choices and debt. I’m beginning to think there might be a light at the end of that tunnel.
Reading about the choices you and your family have chosen to make is very encouraging.
Hi Cinda! I am so glad that you feel encouraged. My husband and I have worked opposite shifts for a time when the children were very young. It’s difficult, but hopefully you can go part time soon.
Your poverty mindset hits the nail on the head, so to speak. I quit my job when I had my first child 17 years ago. My husband and I had planned on it since we were married and even lived mostly off of his income, saving my income or using it to make big, one time purchases like cars or furniture. That made the loss of my income easier, but we struggled with finances too. I found that if I threw away the advertising catalogs from Pottery Barn and like store, as well as the fancy clothing ads I was a lot more content with what I had. Eventually, I went back to work full time and just quit my job because of the stress of it and how it affected our family life. Your blog is providing some helpful reminders of how to live happily on less. We like to say, “we’re rich and some day, maybe we’ll have money!”
Your blog is wonderful and your comments and insight are very professional and biblical.
Thank you for sharing with others!
Thank you so much Heather!
Thanks for posting this Kimberlee. I found it through Pinterest so I’m coming late to the game. I totally agree with what you are saying, I just wish I figured it out well before now! It took my husband being out of work, pay cuts at my job, a mortgage we couldn’t afford, and crippling debt to get me the wake-up call I needed.
Now I’m half way out of my credit card debt (through a debt mgmt plan). I’ve learned to be smart about my spending (it still gets a little out of control sometimes…LOL), but we have savings for the first time ever (either as singletons or married). I’ve learned how to make an extra buck and save for the things I want (or want to do…I love to travel). While there are times I resent not being able to go crazy at the organic market or buy the entire contents of an antique shop, I know that we’re living right for the first time.
Keep up the good work!
Welcome Caroline! Yes, I too was a late bloomer. 🙂 Good for you for changing things when you had the realization that you needed too!
Hi Kimberlee,
I’m still new to pinterest and this is the first article/blog site(still working out the differences ;)..) that I have read that resonated so much with me that I had to leave a note to say..Thanks!
My hubby and I used to live in a large city here in Canada. We both worked full time and had fantastic jobs, but something was missing from our life. Working all the time, sometimes 7 days a week, often left no time to properly organize ourselves and much money was wasted on eating out and buying our children’s love rather than giving them the time they really needed from us.
We made a drastic change in our life by packing up just the bare essentials and moving north to restart our lives in a very small community, closer to my very large family. My hubby and I both grew up with a “poverty mindset” and as adults we rebelled against that and were definitely not “frugal” by any means. Money used to just come in and go out again wastefully. Shameful for sure. Making the move was “freeing” in a way I’m not sure how to explain except to say we no longer feel like rats in a maze. It has been a real adventure to relearn how to be frugal and we have surprised and delighted ourselves with our new/old approach to living simply. Our kids have had to learn the value of money and how to better appreciate what they do have and how to better care for it. Living on lower incomes, because the job market here does not pay even a third of what we used to make, has been a huge challenge and has made us a closer couple in many ways. We are so proud of what we have built here, so far. Garage sales have been a “saving grace” for us and we have had so much fun rebuilding our home and involving the kids in the adventure that I wish we had done this 15 years earlier. We have a hard time now going to regular stores and actually wanting to buy something for more than we might have to pay by finding the item online or at a garage sale.
It is great to have the time to spend with our daughters and we feel like better parents knowing that our children are learning that “a frugal mindset” and the ability to see that the really valuable things in life can’t be bought are what really matter. Life is good 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me Tracy! Would you be interested in giving a little more detail and I will share it in a post? 🙂
Thank you for writing your story! I found your blog through Pinterest and have been reading posts as time allows throughout the day. We were never in consumer debt, but between two Big Ten educations, a mortgage and 4 little people to feed, we needed to reassess our situation. 2012 was huge for us, and we’ve definitely found that a frugal lifestyle is so much more rewarding, and I don’t think we’ll ever go back to mindless spending. Your blog is inspiring and you speak so well on this crucial but misunderstood topic. God bless you 🙂
Welcome Karen! Thanks so much for your encouragement. It has definitely been a process for us as well, even though we were fairly intentional from the beginning. I am really glad that you were able to get things headed in the right direction.
Hi Kim,
It really depends on one’s perspective, doesn’t it? I come from a third world country, live in a 45sq. m. house, we don’t have the latest appliances, but I don’t feel poor.
I always teach my kids that happiness do not come from things and they shouldn’t be comparing themselves with the lives of their friends. And I stopped exposing them to advertisements and toy stores! My eldest has 2 lalaloopsys and 1 Monster High, (all given as gifts) though but I told her that if cannot be happy with these, she wouldn’t be happy if we buy more.
Contentment and setting priorities is always the key.
My parents were poor and that was are motivation for going to University – so we didn’t have to live like they did. My parents never traveled outside the country and I’ve LIVED in 3 different countries. I’m a nurse, my brother is an Engineer and my other brother is an Accountant. My parents had no education beyond high school and had more children then they could afford. I see so many people who don’t plan their life out very well. They decide to go to school AFTER they already have children, so they’re working, going to school and trying to raise a family all at the same time! Life doesn’t have to be so hard if you don’t go through it recklessly – go to school and THEN have only the number of kids you can afford or don’t have any at all – the planets over populated anyway.
Hi Marie! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment.
I agree with you that people should have a life plan, but sometimes things don’t work out according to your plans and you just have to try to do your best. I disagree with you that the planet is “over-populated” and that you should only have the number of children that you think you can afford.
God has a plan for each life and some of the most amazing contributions come from people who others may have deemed “unnecessary” because they grew up in poverty, or with some kind of disability. It really isn’t about your circumstances, or how you grew up. It is totally about your attitude toward those circumstances and whether you will choose to be an overcomer and be better, or be bitter and be limited by them.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. My family and I have been walking through a difficult season, and I’ve come back to read this post several times. Your words have been encouraging and healing to me. My poverty-mindset was not only affecting me, but my husband and children as well. I see, now, that my “poor me” attitude was actually making the situation worse by making us ALL feel desperate. We are choosing to live on less, making a different investment altogether- the Kingdom of the LORD and the wellbeing of our family. Thank you!
You are very welcome Beth! I am so glad that I could help and I really appreciate you taking the time to let me know. Hopefully things are just getting better for you. 🙂
Kimberlee – Thank you for the appropriate response to Marie. For her to say her parents had more children than they could afford – which one or two of her siblings does she think should not be here on Earth? We are all here for a reason.
Thanks Barbara. I do believe that every life is important. 🙂
Thanks for this post! I know this comes a long time after you wrote it but I think it relates closely to what I’m struggling with now. Due to the frivolous spending of my parents we did without a lot of stuff. We always had food (cause my mom is a food hoarder) but we never had much of anything else. To top it off my parents fought about being broke. They raised 3 children in this and we all took different lessons from this childhood. I have 1 brother who has repeated the unhealthy cycle. I have one brother who is very materialistic because of all the things he never had and would work as many jobs as it takes to give his kids everything. I however have my own financial demons. I decided early in my marriage(with my husband of course) to not ever fight about money. We have no debt. We just pay for utilities, food, and of course the other stuff we have to buy. I have recently convinced my husband to start packing his lunch for work to save the $30-40 each week he was spending. I know he grew up in a home where there should have been more than enough money but his mom had a shopping addiction and raised them in an atmosphere of dishonesty when it comes to money. My problem is that I am getting worse with my unwillingness to spend. I’m not talking about buying something frivolous either. If my kids need shoes I find myself having an inner panic attack. I am teaching my kids a lesson in frugality and how to make money go further but I don’t want to pass along the panic and fear of being broke that I struggle with everyday. I told my husband we need to go to counseling or something. He thinks if we have $40 we should spend it. I think if we have $40 we should save it. I am by no means perfect with money and we are not well off but we shouldn’t only have $40. He makes the money so he has a right to purchase things but he thinks his debit card is an endless ticket to spending. I think he needs a reality check but I am afraid my desire to have $ sitting in the bank is leaving my family feeling deprived and I don’t want that. People who feel deprived are more likely to spend freely when they do have extra. Can you help me find a balance and stop the panic from spreading?
Hi Deana! I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I am more of a spender, but I can relate to that feeling of panic when I have to spend money and I don’t feel like we have enough. I like that the Bible says in Psalm 56:3, “When I am afraid, I will trust in You.” It comforts me to know that God knows that we will be afraid, and He doesn’t condemn us for it. He just says to trust Him. It is a process, but one thing that really helped me was to write down in a notebook every time that I saw God provide for us, and to daily make a list of the things that I am thankful for.
There is healing for you, and peace if you will ask God to come in and help you.
My other advice is for you to take the Financial Peace class that Dave Ramsey offers. By taking it together with your spouse, you will be able to open lines of communication that are closed right now. It literally saved our marriage and we went on to lead a couple of classes. It is a bit of an investment, but I PROMISE you it is so worth it. Check DaveRamsey.com for a location near you, and I look forward to hearing back from you about how things are going. 🙂
I grew up poor. In the ’80’s being a dairy farmer was not a really good career choice, and right before the bad years came my dad quit teaching school. One thing my parents always told us was we may not have much money, but we are not poor. We are a well educated, intelligent, hard working family, that loves each other. We will make it through this time and come out stronger. We did. Yes, I do still live frugally…most of the time. When you live frugally you have more choices.
Kimberlee,
I would like to take the time to say thank you. Thank you for allowing God to use you and your life as a living testimony for others. My husband and I have been experiencing some financial difficult for almost 2 years now. It got worse when our daughter was born last July. Our financial struggles have forced us to look at the deeper issues we had in our marriage and individually. I am thankful for the hard times because our faith has been tested. Through it all God always made a way for us. We are slowly getting back on our feet and have decided going forward we will practice living on one income. I have started creating a monthly budget and clipping coupons. You have truly helped me with understanding that the only people we need to live like is ourselves. As long as we are happy, content, peaceful then that’s all that matters.
Thank you Kimberlee! You have been an inspiration for me.
Wow Kimberly! I am sorry that you went through a difficult time, but so glad that everything is going better now. I am also really glad that I could encourage you. Thank you for taking the time to let me know. 🙂
My husband and I faced extreme hardship a couple years ago when we were both fired and we happened to live where we worked. So, finding ourselves suddenly jobless, homeless, and with a 2 year old and 8 month old we moved in with my parents to get back on our feet. I went through some serious bouts of depression in my private time (trying to hide the devastation from my children who just loved being at Grandma’s). When we got back on our feet we had gone from both working and living completely rent and utility free to one income and bills. I had some health issues that left me unable to work for about a year and we were not in a good place. Needless to say I felt pounded by the world and like a failure for finding ourselves impoverished. Then I realized while watching my kids play one day that they had no idea how poor mommy and daddy were. They had food, a roof over their head, toys to play with, and I was always looking up free festivals and activities for them to go to. We weren’t impoverished. We had everything we needed. That season of my life taught me to be frugal and make a game of spending as little money as possible. My mom actually told me one day that I’m so good at being poor she was jealous. I consider that a compliment 🙂
I am sorry that you had to go through such a difficult time Amy, but so glad that you were able to find peace and gratitude in the midst of it. I hope things have improved for your family since then.
I couldn’t agree with you more about keeping things in perspective. It’s all about attitude. I didn’t learn to do that until I became a mother and I needed to present our financial circumstances in a positive way. It became very clear that I could choose to dwell on the fact that my grocery budget was woefully small or I could make it a challenge and live proudly within my means. And they were very meager means. However, I didn’t want my son growing up thinking that he was “less than” in any way. So, we went about life a little differently. We played games instead of buying more new toys. We went to the library instead of stocking shelves with new books. We went to the thrift store and bought all the toys he wanted. When he became interested in video games – we bought one at the pawn shop and when he wanted to upgrade his system, I tought him how to sell it (negotiating the price) and use that money toward a newer system. In time, things got a little better and we could do more. However, living on a fixed income – it was always tight. Anyway, you get the point. Our attitude toward money meant all the difference in shaping my son’s mind about who he was and where he fit in the world. I’m still on a fixed income and he is all grown up but I still have the positive perspective and choose to “make do” and not “do without”. Thanks for a great post, Kimberlee
It sounds like you gave your son real life skills and a foundation that made him a responsible adult. Good for you Kelly for parenting well in spite of your circumstances!
I have read over your blog and there are lots of good points and we already live on a budget. I was kind of shocked to see how low your rent is. I don’t know if you can tell me this but what state are you living in? Because I am out of Chicago and I don’t think you can get any kind of house (even in a very bad neighborhood) for that price. I found you also on pinterest. Enjoyed reading your blog.
Hi Denise! I am so glad you stumbled upon my little corner of the world. 🙂 We are in the south so our rent is definitely a lot lower than I have heard about in big cities. My point in writing these posts is just to help people think about their situations and to make conscious decisions rather than simply continuing what they are doing without thinking about it. The specific numbers are just to show what we do. Hope that helps.
Just found your blog, great stuff! This certainly helps those of us “working poor” single moms change our mindset from poverty to frugality. I love that, thank you!!!
You are very welcome!
You are very welcome!
Oh, the government says we’re “poor”, too. I don’t know, I think we live a lot better than some people making four times what we do.
I think many of us below the poverty line live perfectly wonderful lives! 🙂
Agreed, frankly the vast majority of us in this nation are quite spoiled & take a lot for granted because of our easy access to it. And thats whether or nor we choose to live frugally or not.
Oh, the government says we’re “poor”, too. I don’t know, I think we live a lot better than some people making four times what we do.
I think many of us below the poverty line live perfectly wonderful lives! 🙂
I think that this is sooo true. Poverty often has to do with the mindset, not with the actual amount of money people live on.
Thanks for taking the time to comment Paulina!
I think that this is sooo true. Poverty often has to do with the mindset, not with the actual amount of money people live on.
Thanks for taking the time to comment Paulina!
I would have agreed fully with this article about 10 years ago. Since then, my son recieved a diagnostic of autism and I became a volunteer at our Parish thrift store. I do everything described. I haven’t bought myself “new” clothes for years, seeing all the brand new clothes with the tags still on that were given by “whealty” people. I buy fashionable clothes at the thrift store. I use coupons since many many years. For me, it is worth it to make all these little changes in our lifestyle. But I also met a lot of people that really have no other choice than being poor. What do you do when you are a single parent with a child who has major special needs? These kids can’t go to school. Mom can’t work, she need to take care of her child. People with mental health issues? Refugees that don’t speak the new country’s language? I’ve met lots and lots of hard working people who can’t work. I’m really happy for your family. They are blessed to have you as a mom. But for a lot of people, poverty is the only choice. 🙂
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment Caroline! You are correct. There are people in society who are unable to help themselves and need a helping hand. I don’t agree however that poverty is their only choice.
There are options available for hurting people to improve their situation if they want to. I have friends who work with both refugees and single moms to give them skills, tools and opportunities, and hopefully those moms with special needs children will take advantage of programs in their area to get assistance.
My post is primarily for those of us who have a job and make money but we have a mindset that keeps us trapped in bad financial cycles. We can only take responsibility for our own situation and I am simply encouraging everyone to do so. 🙂
You are correct that I have never experienced being a single mom with a special needs child and I should not have assumed that because there are programs in my area to help that those programs are available to all moms with special needs children. Thank you for pointing out my error and I truly apologize for offending you. I am really proud of you for doing the hard work necessary to take care of your daughter!
My mom was raised during the depression when a poverty mindset may have been seen as normal, but my grandparents worked hard, as a bricklayer(grandpa), and as a cook(nana), Mom got a nickle after a week’s worth of carrying bricks for her dad. But I never heard of any of them having a poverty mindset, and Mom & Dad, raising us six kids, several of us with special needs, never had that either, we pressed on and we never felt poor, we always thought we were pretty well off!! But now my husband and I , no blessing of kids, choose to live on one income that is below the average American income. We receive many blessings that I never expect. But financial peace, no matter how little one has, is the best. Thanks to examples like your family and others that do live with a mindset that chooses to prioritize their income others like myself CAN follow along and be at peace too. Just as an aside your web page was a big help to me in 2012 to now, we’ve been debt free (lot’s of medical debt) since 2013 And that is with 2 hospital stays and thousands of dollars in bills, but ,yay! We paid cash since we prioritized our means toward that end. Our friends sometimes wondered why we don’t go here or there or spend on such and such, but, now they can see the results. Our goals aren’t someone else’s, but at least in the US we can still pursue our happiness..even if it means choosing a medical emergency fund over eating out or buying new shoes, the peace is worth it, and there’s $ left over to give too those who need a helping hand. Best Regards, Barb L.
Thanks so much for your comment Barb. I am so happy to know that I have encouraged you in your debt free journey. 🙂
Thanks for this article 🙂 I am especially encouraged by your advice about keepin’ on truckin’ even when you have a slip up or two (I paraphrased that,obviously). Anyhoo, I’m gonna do just that!
Good for you Heather! Thanks for taking the time to let me know. 🙂
I’m so excited to find this site! The poverty mindset fits me to a T!!! As a single female over 60, I worry about retirement . Recently received a very large pay cut and I’m terrified that I can’t meet my obligations. Truth is, I will be able to meet my basic needs, there just won’t be anything extra. You have given me encouragement!! Praying that I can stay upbeat during this transition .
So glad that I could encourage you Rita! Please let me know if you have any questions. 🙂
Just yesterday (Oct. 21, 2016) I found your blog through this page; later I read your announcement–posted yesterday–that you are discounting the blog! How crazy! Anyway, this is the ONLY blog I’ve been able to find that is (sort of) about living below the poverty line. Do you know of any others? I know there are tons of blogs out there about saving money generally, but I wanted to hear from someone (preferably with kids) who is really living below the poverty line. Thanks!
Hi Elizabeth – Glad you’re here! I don’t know of any other blogs that specifically deal with this topic, but I may begin writing more about it again.