Want to enjoy a Stress Free Christmas? Re-think your gift giving.
As Christmas Day approaches, the stress level can increase tremendously as we try to create our vision of a wonderful holiday. Advertising sets up unrealistic expectations: beautifully decorated homes, decadent food and happy faces as each family member opens the “perfect” gift.
It’s easy to lose your peace by trying to “purchase” that vision, rather than focusing on what really matters: enjoying one another.
Just yesterday I was in the Walmart checkout line behind a mom who was purchasing Christmas presents for her 3 and 4 year old daughters. She said,”I can’t believe I just paid $20 for hair.”
Curious, I asked what she was talking about. She explained that her girls had seen the movie “Tangled” and when they saw the “Tangled” hair extensions in Walmart they had to have them. She said they were even fighting over who would wear them so she bought two, even though she thinks they are gross.
This interchange made me wonder why we as parents seem to lose our values when it comes to Christmas. Normally, we would probably have a sane conversation about why we’re not going to buy the $20 hair extensions, but at this time of year our “sanity” seems to fly out the window.
In our own family, we have chosen to set a budget for Christmas spending and we inform the children of the budget. We ask them to choose some items they would like to receive that are within the budget range. If there are items that are above the range, they can then choose to save the rest of the money to buy it.
A few years ago, my son wanted a new hand-held game system that was out of our budget range. He saved half of the money and gave it to me before hand, so that he could receive the toy for Christmas. Last year two of my daughters pooled their Christmas money and saved together so they could share a more expensive hand-held game system. They not only learned to save, but also learned relationship skills as they had to work out how to share their new toy. It worked so well that they saved together again to share an Ipod Touch.
I realize that everyone parents differently, so some would disagree with our methods (and may even think them to be cruel). We love our children and want them to enjoy the Christmas season, but we also want them to understand that there are limits in life. I personally believe that allowing my children to have whatever they want without limit encourages them later in life to use credit in order to get what they want, rather saving for items they want to buy.
We set a gift budget for extended family and friends as well. Last year the adults in our family exchanged gag gifts that were under $1. We laughed a lot and have some great memories. We experienced the truth that relationships are more important than gifts.
By setting limits on our Christmas gift giving, we enjoy a much more peaceful holiday season and we are certainly a lot happier in January when we are “missing” those pesky credit card bills!
This was so worth re-reading this year. I lost my job in 2011, and my husband lost his job last May (2013). We have found odd things to do, and his unemployment has covered a lot, but not nearly enough for even our needs. That said, I was not happily anticipating Christmas this year. Well, with some help and ideas from you and friends, our daughters are going to have a great Christmas, and since they will, mine will be delightful. I squeezed blood out of our turnip and got the baking goods I need, baking all gifts outside our family of four. For I think less than $100, I am able to give to nearly 20 families, all dear friends of ours who have been so helpful and truly good friends throughout this financially tough year. I love the gag gifts idea! Thank you for keeping this up and for your awesome help for frugality. I hope your Christmas is blessed and delightful.
I am sorry that you are struggling financially Charmaine, but good for you for finding ways to be generous in spite of your need. I pray that you will be abundantly blessed this Christmas and in 2014! Thanks for being a faithful reader. 🙂
Thanks for this post. Over the last fews years we have greatly scaled back on our gift giving. We give gifts to my immediate and my husband’s immediate family, and they are all homemade. A small gift is given to each of our 2 nephews. So besides for gifts for our kids and nephews, we don’t buy anything. We have even not joined in an extended family get together that includes a gift exchange (it would require us to bring 10 presents…2 for an adult gift exchange, 3 for kid gift exchange, 2 for adult gag gift exchange, and 3 for the kid gag gift exchange). Also, the hostess will request food made and give directions on how it should be….right down to the color of sprinkles should be on the cookies. Since we try to focus on the true reason for the season and on helping others instead, we felt this extended family gift exchange and get together was just too much. I must say thought it is very stress relieving to just say no to some of the holiday functions that just aren’t in line with our own little family beliefs.
I think you made a wise decision Kelly. Sometimes we participate in events that cause us stress without thinking about it, but I believe it is much better to choose your family’s activities based on your values and needs.
I have heard of other family gatherings where the hostess is demanding about the food that the guests bring. It is unfortunate, but when communication with the hostess doesn’t work, sometimes you have to make a choice not to attend the event for the sake of your family’s financial and emotional well being.
I like how you call us out in our flexible values at Christmas. If I wouldn’t normally want you to have it, why is it ok at Christmas? My biggest struggle–and I know it is an amazing blessing as well–has been the amount and expense of gifts given to my children by their grandparents! How can I raise them to be content with less when their grandparents give above and beyond my kids dreams!? It’s kind of hard for us as parents, too, when Granddad outdoes Santa year after year. I don’t try to compete with them (that would definitely go against my values) but still every year I find that there is a constant struggle between “enough!” and “more!”. And here it is October and I am already dreading the influx of stuff. My solution has been to try to give more meaningful gifts, and we hold two garage sales each year to purge the less-loved toys. It’s ok but my kids are still spoiled rotten and don’t appreciate the value of things.
That is a difficult situation Christina. If it truly bothers you, you and your husband should have a conversation with your parents, even though it might be difficult. They are your children and while Grandpa’s motives might be good, he is crossing a boundary in trying to give your children things that you don’t want them to have (or just too many things).
Decide exactly what you would like to change and then have a conversation with them at a neutral location like a restaurant. Explain gently that you appreciate their generosity, but you and your husband are the parents and you see some negative effects from all of the gifts they are receiving. Tell them that you would like for them to give only 3 gifts to each child (or whatever limit you would like use).
You could also encourage them to give more relational gifts such as aquarium tickets that they would use together or classes that they could take together.
Another tactic if communication fails, might be to rotate the toys. Let your children choose 3 toys to have for a two week period and put the rest away in the attic or basement. Have an exchange day when they trade the current toys in for the “new” ones that were put away.
Just some thoughts for you. Good luck!
Thank you for this post. I’m a single mother and we’re always on a tight budget, between me , my son’s grandparents, and extended family he always ends up with all that he asked for. His birthday is in November which makes this all even harder, but I love your post because I worry about him getting everything and how that is going to affect him in the future. My mother worries about him being disappointed, but I didn’t always get exactly everything I wanted for Christmas, but I was always happy. I want him to have and enjoy Christmas But I also want him to focus on the meaning of Christmas, the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ.
You are welcome Julia. It is even more difficult as a single parent, but it sounds like you are doing a great job! 🙂
Thanks for this post. I was asked to spend a certain amount for my niece who does not have a job for a gym membership. Despite the obvious reasons, I told my sibling it was way more than we spend on our own kids for Christmas. My sibling, in turn, feels we must be having money trouble because I have gift giving limits. Crazy! My kids buy each other gifts from a consignment store and are so happy to shop there for each other. It is becoming a new tradition. They get great toys without all the expense of new ones. And they seem to play with them longer than the “new” toys they receive from family. We are trying to teach our kids the true meaning of Christmas with a few gifts to share in the fun of Christmas too.
Extended family can be the hardest to deal with sometimes. Good for you for sticking to your guns!
We used to buy ALL of the kids toys at the thrift store and yard sales. Now that they want expensive electronics it doesn’t work, but at least they understand that there is a budget.