I continue to get this question in one form or another, so I am going to address it in case you are wondering too. 
Q: Do you ever worry about your kids resenting you because of the choices you made? If you had chosen to work rather than stay home, the family would have significantly more money and therefore the kids could have gone out to eat more, had more clothes, enjoyed more entertainment, etc.. I feel that you are being selfish to make your kids live this super frugal lifestyle that you chose because you wanted to stay home rather than work.
A: I can appreciate that after reading some of my posts, you might think that we have no “life”. We don’t spend money on the things that most Americans take for granted like shopping mall trips and eating out at restaurants, so it may seem that we just sit around and do nothing. The truth is we have lots of fun.
We have lived on two incomes in the past and enjoyed lots of new clothes, many restaurant meals and other entertainment. It was fun to spend more money, but the stress of balancing two full time jobs, school, household responsibilities, health issues and my son’s Aspergers (autism spectrum disorder) far outweighed the “fun”. We were a disconnected, stressed out family.
Now that we have a lower income our fun consists of eating dessert or ice cream out rather than a full meal, attending free concerts, having a picnic in a local park, seeing movies at the dollar theater, hanging out at local festivals and family friendly events (like our city’s upcoming Fourth of July Fireworks Display) and having dinner with friends in our home or theirs.
My husband and I have chosen to live on less because we see positive effects in our family, but I asked our children this question so let’s hear what they have to say about it in their own words:
11 year old daughter: ”I don’t really care about all that stuff. I have plenty of clothes and I don’t really care about eating out. It’s nice when we do eat out, but I don’t care if we do or not, and we are always doing fun stuff. That’s what Papa is for.” (Our kids call my husband “Papa” rather than “Dad”. He is definitely our “fun” coordinator and is constantly finding free and cheap activities for us to do.)
When I asked her if she wanted me to get a job so she could have more money she replied,”I don’t want you to get a job. I like you being here.”
14 year old daughter: (laughing out loud) “Seriously mom? As for restaurants, I don’t really like the food when we do eat out. Yours tastes better. As far as clothes, I just got a Forever 21 skirt for $3 and I’ve never even walked into that store. These shorts I have on are from American Eagle, but we only paid $2.00 for them. Maybe I’m weird, but I like walking into a thrift store and thinking that $5 is too much to pay for a shirt.”
“We’re always doing something fun. Do these people think we don’t have anything or do anything?”
15 year old daughter: “I do resent you sometimes because I want to go shopping more, but that’s not a good life lesson. If you let me have whatever I want, then when I leave home I will think that it’s okay to spend all my money. Really the only thing I want is a laptop.”
17 year old son: “No, I don’t resent you. If you went back to work, I couldn’t be homeschooled and if we had more money, we would probably be living the same way we do now.”
[UPDATE: He just told me with a smile on his face that he's going to join a support group for victims of frugality--bahahahaha!]
I guess we will have to see what happens as our children continue to mature, but for now at ages 11, 14, 15 and 17, they seem to be fairly content. All of their needs are met, and many of their wants. Two of my teens just went to a local amusement park for free (through a day camp they are attending) and my youngest just participated in horseback riding camp for a week which someone provided for her.
Doing more activities like shopping at the mall, eating out at restaurants and going to movies may seem exciting, but it is not necessarily fulfilling. We truly enjoy life, but without the stress of striving for more money.
Even if we made four times more than we do now, we would not give our children everything they wanted. We might order pizza or go out to eat a few more times a year, but I would still have them work to pay for luxury items like cell phones and laptops. As my daughter put it, that’s just a good life lesson: if you want something, work for it. That is the way we choose to parent no matter how much we make.
So there you have it–true tales from the not so rich or famous.
If you have a question that you would like to have answered, email me: kimberlee (at) thepeacefulmom (dot) com. I am unable to post every question, but I will respond to you privately.
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Kimberlee… great great response, and thank you so much for addressing such funny questions. It’s amazing to see how people who are used to just spending and spending cannot seem to come to grips with the thought of actually doing free things, and living on less… they need to listen to Dave Ramsey a bit more, eh?
To whoever posted the comment, ‘ I feel that you are being selfish to make your kids live this super frugal lifestyle that you chose because you wanted to stay home rather than work.’ Are you serious? Stay at home mom’s are the most unselfish people there are! It takes a mom who is willing to sacrifice clothes, super nice cars, etc. to spend TIME with her children, rather than build a career. In case you haven’t noticed… that’s exactly what our children need these days, is for more moms to come home and spend time with their children.
AMEN! I never planned to be a SAHM but I ended up giving up my career to stay home with my kids. Best decision I ever made…come 5pm some days I’d say it was the worst when I’m trying to get dinner on the table my 3 year old won’t stop talking and my 1 year old is whining and hanging on my leg. But when I can volunteer at school or attend every practice it confirms that giving up a career wasn’t nearly as much as what I am getting in return.
I completely agree! My husband and I are expecting our first child so I don’t have personal stay-at-home mother experience yet but I have one from being a child. My parents worked very hard so that my mom could stay home with me and my 3 brothers.
For almost all of my life my mom was able to stay there with us at home and be there whenever we needed anything and that is worth far more than anything that ever could have been bought.
There was about a 4 year period when my mom did go to work due to some circumstances and during that time we did have A LOT of money but you ask any member of our family and that is the time that we all hated the most.
That is a wonderful answer that you gave Kimberlee, I applaud what you have been able to do and your family will thank you for it, and it looks like they already are.
Thank you for your blog and the things that you are sharing on here.
Thanks so much Jessica.
I dont think it’s fair to judge one woman’s choice of building a career “over” spending time with her family. Personally speaking, my own mother was a so called “career builder” but we spent nights, weekends and summers together. Just because a woman chooses a career does not mean that she cannot choose to have a family as well. I believe that women in our society need to be more supportive of other women no matter what choices they make. Women have come so far in regards to even having an opportunity TO build a career. I think we women need to applaud every type of mom; the stay at homers, the so called ‘career builders’ and every type of woman in between!
Hi Liz!
I love what you said: “I believe that women in our society need to be more supportive of other women no matter what choices they make.” I want all women to feel supported and encouraged here.
The important thing is to know your values and then to live them. Many moms don’t have the choice to stay home rather than work outside the home, but they can still make their children a priority in their lives. I know you are responding to Heather, but I just wanted to say that I am sharing my story so that those moms who want to stay home know that someone else has done it on a “low” income. Blessings!
I’m still trying to figure out how the kids getting to go out to eat more, have more clothes and enjoyed more (costly) entertainment makes them happier?!!! The Bible says having sustenance and covering – not having a lavish lifestyle.
I feel that most kids today are totally spoiled. They are bored if they don’t have 3 electronic things flashing in their face 24/7. I had an older brother (6 1/2 yrs) and I played most of the time by myself. I knew how to amuse myself and make games out of not much. My mom tells me all she had to play with back in those days were boxes. I’m sure she had a doll but the point is you don’t have to have all this “fancy” stuff to be happy.
I for one am glad you don’t keep up with the Joneses – I used to be one who tried and failed miserably. I gave my kids new gadgets, new toys, ate out alot, went shopping all the time and now I have grown kids who feel like if they have $$ in their pocket they need to be spending it and their children are bored easily because of always wanting to go spend $ or have the latest game. This was with me being a sahm! So it doesn’t matter if you work or sahm – it’s the principles and the philosophies that you instill in your children that brings them lasting happiness.
BTW – a sahm works just as hard as one with a career – she just doesn’t get as much adult conversation most of the time.
I love that your 15 yr old was honest (and is comfortable enough with you to be honest). And I love your 14 yr old’s answer. Yes she is weird, but in a fantastic way!!
OH! I politely and respectfully disagree. I think the 14 year is not weird but is showing good common sense and also aware of name brands (as teenagers are) as well as cost of such items. Hopefully that awareness will carry on through out her life and the child will grow up knowing how to use money wisely. I wish my 16 year old was “weird” in that way. She spends money so thoughtlessly and it “kills” me.
Thanks Anna. Sometimes it’s good to be weird, right?
Kimberlee,
I just found your blog and read the question above and felt that I had to respond. Our daughter will be 22 years old in a week and a half and she LOVES thrift shops. She and her group of friends think it is the coolest thing ever to get a great blouse or pair of shorts for under $5! Unfortunately, she did not learn that from me. In fact, I’ve been learning from her! If I had it all to do over again, I would have stayed home with my children. You obviously have a strong, loving family! I know you are proud. Keep your ideas coming!
Thanks so much Laura. I learn a thing or two from my kids too!
I love the way you respond to these questions! You are honest without a bit sounding rude which is the opposite the person asking the question. C: My dad is a preacher and we didn’t have money growing up. I never resented my parents. I only resented people making me feel less because we didn’t have money. Your sacrifices will SO pay off in the end. ~ A different note, I love your blog. I have been recommended it to all my friends. Thank you for all you do for us readers! C:
I’m so glad you enjoy the blog Amy. Thanks for recommending me.
I left a great, well paying job last August after having worked for the company 19 years (since high school) in order to stay home with my kids. We went down to 45% of our income and I couldn’t be happier. My kids love having me home and we are always finding free and cheap stuff to do. It’s quality, not quantity that counts. I have finally been able to attend school concerts, go on their field trips and take then to Wild Water Days or outdoor movies at our local community centre. I do feel like people think my husband is making loads of money or we have huge savings or that I’ve lost my mind. We are happier than ever now so I try not to care what others think.
Hats off to you, Anita and Kimberlee too. My job loss wasn’t a choice and we lost 2/3s of our income (ouch!) but what a blessing and an amazing life lesson it has been. I’m not the most religious person, but I do believe this was orchestrated from above.
We are still learning to live this way but we are also all happier. I, for one, have great memories of my poor but awesome parents and very few memories about clothes! LOL
That is so true about rarely remembering clothes Rory. I do remember the beautiful wool sweater that my sister washed by mistake though–haha!
I try to teach my kids to hear what the other person is REALLY saying, because a lot of times, they are too scared to ask their real question. What that question says, to me is, “Look, I am working a lot of hours, I never see my family, but I have all this money to give them, and isn’t that better? Will my kids appreciate that I have sacrificed time with them, in order to give them nice things? 20 years from now, will my kids think I made the right choice? Will I?” Or maybe they are saying, “I am scared. What if I want to stay home, and we don’t make it? What if we can’t pay the rent, or the utilities?” I just found your blog, through Pinterest, and am looking forward to reading more, and learning from you. Thank you for your bravery, and your courage, for putting yourself out there.
Wow Dawn – I have to say I so so appreciate your insight. I think you are probably spot on in your comment. I watch other people’s children in my home so I can stay with my own little ones. I have felt a terrible ache inside for the moms whose children I have when I saw the first roll over, the first french fry, the first step instead of them. I was blessed to see that for my own kids and it breaks my heart that they missed it with theirs. Question asking reader: the answer is yes – take the leap and build your wings on the way down!!
I haven’t commented before, but read your blog by email. I felt strongly compelled to comment on this post.
I was raised on “less” as it were. My brother and sisters and I were home schooled… I have turned out surprisingly well adjusted, compared to some “normal” people. I’m in my twenties now, and my siblings are some of my best friends.
Family is more important than money, and it seems like if people are asking these questions, maybe they have a hard time understanding the bond that can be formed, when living with less. Happiness isn’t something that having money is going to give you, and your children will not resent you for giving you the blessing of YOUR TIME and LOVE. That far exceeds any material gains.
I find it a little bit offensive that people think that all kids feel they are entitled to more than what they need. Often times it’s something that is instilled in them, and I think we all know the source of that.
I’m sorry to rant, but I feel strongly on this… I just wanted to put in my two bits with the other hundreds as well.
Thanks for taking the time to comment Gracie. I think it’s easy to be fooled by materialism. Television portrays lifestyles filled with the things that money can buy and they make it look very attractive. If people have never been given the opportunity to experience life differently, it’s difficult for them to understand.
Aren’t we stay-at-home moms so selfish? All we ever think about is ourselves and how we can make ourselves happier. The world would be a better place without us.
My mom was a stay-at-home mom. There were eight children, my dad went from job to job much of my childhood, and once he did get a steady job it was as a teacher in Utah. Not the best pay in the whole world! If I could go back in time I wouldn’t change a thing. Having my mom home when I got home from school, knowing she was there if I ever needed her during the day…that is priceless. She is and always has been my best friend, I always knew that nothing was more important to my parents than us, she taught me the real value of things, I have never spent more than I’ve made, etc. etc. Because of her I never wanted to be anything but a stay-at-home mom. It wasn’t until I was that I realized how hard it was, but it is the best job I’ve ever had!
Keep up the good work!
I think it’s crazy that people think your kids would prefer more money to more time with you. My mom stayed home with my younger siblings and I until I was in high school. Even then, she only worked jobs that allowed her to be home when school was out. After about two years of her working during the school year, she quit working to help take care of my sick grandmother.
In all that time, I never felt like I was missing out. Looking back, I am so glad she was always available when I needed her. I wouldn’t trade that for any amount of material possessions.
Wow… I really admire you. I grew up in a family of five, and my mom worked part-time.
We never went on shopping trips like my friends, and sometimes, in high school, I wished we had more money.
Looking back, I am so glad we just made it work with what we had. I have learned that “things” do not make someone happy. I learned a lot not getting everything handed to me!
I think it’s awesome that your family lives the way you describe! Too often, we as Americans believe we always need more and better: a better/newer house, car, clothes, purses, etc., and I think families like yours go to show that that is not the case!
Thanks Susan.
I completely agree with Susan! I grew up in a family of 10. Money was always too tight and I hated it at times. We (the children) were expected to help out in any way possible. I still remember using money I had worked all summer to save to buy my siblings school supplies rather then the “new” (second hand) clothes I wanted. I still had enough, but it taught me to look at other peoples needs, not just my needs and then my wants.
Now I am a SAHM, my husband makes about 5X what my parents did, and we have 4 children. I am SO thankful for the way I was raised!!! Every time I say something about saving money in some way my friends think its so sad! It kills me to hear them talk about things like buying a child a new toy that was ONLY $25 just as a way to say “I love you” or “you’re special to me” (this happens almost weekly and they have 4 kids too). REALLY! And I’m the bad mom for making my kids do chores to earn the money so they can buy their toy, then just saying I love you! or You are special to me!
Kids will be better off knowing how to really think about what is important, not just having more “stuff” while dad and mom are never around!
Hi Kimberlee
I’m Teresa – Derek’s wife from above. It is late at night and I finally have a chance to sit down and comment. I caught your post on facebook this morning too and immediately went to read it – I also COULD NOT believe that you actually received that question – and the way is was stated. By the time Derek came back in the house I was pretty steamed and told him all about it giving it to him to read – that is why he ended up commenting. I was so impressed that you answered the question with so much restraint and good will.
We also live a simple and frugal life so that we can be with our 3 year old. We are a little more extreme then most as we don’t own a house or even rent one. We live in a cabin at the provincial park we manage for 5 months and travel the rest of the time. The three of us + I LARGE dog and 3 cats live on about $22,000 per year. I blog about our lifestyle and how we ‘keep it simple’. We are so much happier living the frugal lifestyle and KNOW that we are doing well by our daughter raising her this way.
I am so happy to have found your blog only recently. One of the many things I appreciate about it is that your children are older – nice to see the comparisons as most of the other blogs I visit are raising young children.
My hope is that one day our daughter would answer that type of question in a similar manner as your children!
Thank you!
My husband would love to live in a cabin and travel 5 months out of the year! I’ll check out your blog. Thanks for your encouragement.
love your son’s victim of frugality remark. That is funnier than the sitcoms husband was watching last night. Your son may have a career as a writer
I think you may be right.
Excellent response Kimberly! You have such a graceful way of answering difficult questions and it’s so encouraging to see what life lessons you are instilling in your children!
Thanks so much Marissa!
I recently saw a quote on FB that said “People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The problem with life today is that things are being loved and people are being used.”
I think the person that asked this question has this problem with life. Money and things don’t = happiness.
I think you are spot on with your frugal choices and close family life style. After all, all the wealthy people I know personally got there by saving and not spending. And the happiest families I know are rarely the richest financially – they are the richest in love and family.
Love that quote–thanks Stephanie!
I just came upon your site on pinterest – its sad that so many people dont realize staying home with your children is something that is the best thing in the world and you can not get back the time that they grow up. My children are grown now. I stayed home with them and I am so blessed to have seen their first steps , first words, walking to the parks, hanging out at home. We’ve become a materialistic world. I grew up poor not by choice and we never lacked , we always had a warm meal, roof over our head and LOVE. I would rather eat at home than somewherewhere I dont know if the cook washed their hands, yuck .
Beautiful response! You are investing in THE most important thing! You are providing for generations to come by building a legacy of what matters most now. Love your blog!
Thanks Emily!
Kim, long-time reader, first time commenter here
I’m glad you showed your children’s responses. Frankly, I don’t know why people think you are depriving them just because you live a frugal lifestyle. Honestly, when my mom was raising my brother and me by herself we had more fun and interacted together more than we did after she got married to a “rich doctor.” Not because they were ignoring us by any means, but I think once we had more money we didn’t do as many of the free activities (which actually are more fun and fulfilling) because we were able to spend money on other things……I’m probably not making sense, lol, but I enjoy reading your blog and I love how your 14 year old and I share the same thrifter attitude
Kudos to you, and this was a gret post.
Thanks Tara, and thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I’m glad to know you’re here.
It’s amazing that this country has their perceptions so twisted as to think a stay at home mom caring for her family is selfish. I consider this sacrificial and truly trying to give the best for your children.
You have more energy to talk and listen to them because you aren’t frazzled or worn out from a long day at work.
You cook healthy meals for them rather than picking up McDonald’s or some of junk food all the time.
And the list goes on, but really I think that time and attention in the way you parent shows much more love than showering them with money and crap they don’t need.
oh and another way that you are loving them…. not racking up a mountain of debt for them to have to pay off as adults when your husband is no longer able to work. Oh yes you are very selfish people….
Your doing a great job, keep up the good work!!!!
Thanks!
My children are 17, 15, and 13, my husband and I choose for me to stay home with them as well. It’s priceless and I wouldn’t change it for any amount of money!! Our oldest just graduated high school and he has made the decision to go into the Air Force. It’s just a reminder of how little time we really do have with our children. It seems like just yesterday he was 4 and wanted to be a train conductor. Your doing a great job, keep up the good work!!!!
Just curious about how you handle unexpected school related expenses, or unexpected kid related expenses in general. For example my daughter got inducted into NJHS and the whole group went to an amusement park, she needed $30 for the ticket plus spending money. Her whole grade goes on an overnight trip each year which is between $150-$700 (gets more expensive each year). Do your kids earn money to cover those type things, sit out, or do you come up ways to cover them?
We had an unexpected event occur about a month ago when both my daughters advanced in a Fine Arts competition to the National Level. We are responsible for transportation and expenses for them to travel to a state that is 800 miles away and stay for a week.
My daughters are baking cookies and making bookmarks to sell. I wrote an ebook which I am selling on my blog and we are half way there. I like the fact that we are both working toward the goal and even if we had the money to cover everything I would probably still have them work for part of it. There have been times when we have had to say no due to finances and those times are very difficult, but I think it is unwise to spend money you need for basic bills so that a child can have a “luxury” experience. I know that other parents feel differently, that is just what we decided is best for our family.
I have two daughters, age 10 and soon-to-be 12. I am a stay at home mother who appreciates the opportunity to be involved with my children throughout the day. It is a full time job and work that often goes unappreciated, but it is worth it when I see the results in my children (polite, studious, heathier diet, etc). It is financially difficult (which is what led me to this site), but it has been the right decision for us.
My daughters have learned the value of a dollar. They save and spend their own money very responsibly, and I am confident that that our frugality has been the key. Our girls know what it means to earn something and hopefully when they go off to college they will not run up credit card and loan debt, which has become the norm in todays society. We as parents have made mistakes, but we feel it is our responsibility to make the next generation better than the last.
I can actually say frugality has helped us get back to what matters most: family values. No amount of money can replace that.
In the last year my husband and I made a decision to sell our house and move out of the state where our children were born in order for me to stay home. We sold our beautiful house in the city to live in a two bedroom little trailer in the country. We have cut our income in half and have had to make several financial sacrifices just to make it work. That said, this past year has been the most beautiful time in our lives. We have been forced to slow down and enjoy eachother. I am sure times of resentment will creep in to our lives, however they quickly fade away as the time spent building memories take their place. As adults when our children look back at this time in their lives they will appreciate having learned to be good stewards of what they have been given. They will never have to “resent” us for lack of quality time, amazing memories and sacrifices made for the greater good of the family. I thank God for that daily. Good for you for putting your family first and “stuff” on the back burner where it belongs. Your humble response and honest attitude toward living on less is an amazing blessing, keep up the good work.
Thanks for this! I am about to become a stat-at-home mom at 35. We tried the two-job family when our daughter was birn in 2003, and we are always so stressed. Now a new baby is on the way, and we’re taking the opportunity to revamp our lifestyle. It’s good to know that I’m not crazy for trying this even though my husband doesn’t make $75,000+ a year!
Thanks so much for your posting. I too am a SAHM. Our budget is pretty tight, but we have what we need. I volunteer at my 8yo daughter’s school and had our second miracle in January (I was told I would never get pregnant – our first is adopted and I got pregnant 7 years later w/our 2nd). Our little one has severe reflux and needs special medicine and soy liquid formula! I have cut our grocery budget in half. I am feeding 3 of us for $100 a pay period (15 days) and her formula is around $90 for 15 days. Also, we just found out she will need to wear a DOC helmet band and our insurance only covers 75%. We will pay about $1400. Luckily they allow a payment plan! We too got to thrift shops, garage sales and utilize the library for entertainment a lot. We do have 2 cars, but I do not drive it but a few days each week. We walk to and from school (weather permitting), to the park and even to the grocery store if we need just a couple of items. I can generally get away with one fill up for the pay period which also saves. Your blog is inspiring. Hugs!
Congratulations on your baby! I’m sorry that you are dealing with medical difficulties, but it sounds like you are doing what it takes to make things work. I’m so glad that the blog is helpful to you.
I choose to stay at home with my kids because that is what is best for them and me. I find it a true tragedy that any mother feels she must defend her choices – to work or stay home or something in between. When did it happen in our society that we had to justify our family’s lifestyle choices?
When the media overflows with the acceptance of previously rejected lifestyles how can this one – doing what is right for your family and your circumstances be so vastly undervalued?
Thanks for your honest and honestly kind response.
I just found your website on Pinterest and it is a HUGE eye opener. Having just graduated Teachers College in Ontario and there being no jobs, my current annual income will be about $27K. My boyfriend who has a 3 year old from a previous relationship is making about $25K and we are trying to save for our first home as well as getting married. Any suggestions on saving money for a future? He is the only one that drives – I have my license but no car, my friends think I’m weird for taking the bus all the time but I took it for 5 years for school, so why stop now when gas prices are so high?
Hi Jennifer! You can read all of my money saving tips here: http://thepeacefulmom.com/money-saving-ideas/; the Living on Less Than $28,000 a year series here: http://thepeacefulmom.com/living-on-less-than-28000-a-year-series/. I think the main thing I would suggest is knowing exactly what you want to save for and putting every cent you can find toward that goal. Make a vision board or a list of your goals and keep it in front of you to keep yourself motivated. Good luck!
Thanks Kimberlee! I’ve read the series on living on 28 000 a year, but the link before definitely helps as well! Awesome blog, so inspiring that you don’t need to be rich to feel rich!
When I was growing up we had very little, but I had the most fantastic family. Today my brother is my best friend and I see my parents/the kids see their grandparents weekly without fail. I am more thankful for that then any material item my parents could have purchased had my mother worked.
Now as a mother myself I have chosen to work. But only after my kids went off to school and only part time so I can be there EVERY day after school. I have had to pass on many promotions but I know at the end of the day this is better for my kids and my husband and I then any paycheck could ever be!
Thanks for sharing your story and your ideas for living a frugal lifestyle. Loving your blog!!!
Good for you for making sacrifices to be there for your children. You will never regret it!
Well put! I couldn’t agree more!
Thanks Amy!
Sorry to comment on pretty much every post, Kimberlee! But I wanted to reiterate what you say above, that women who make all kinds of life decisions should have mutual respect for each other.
I am the adult daughter of a working mother. I grew up in a house with two incomes, probably totaling around $200K. BUT both of my parents were products of very frugal households and so money was never a focus in our house. Our favorite places to shop are thrift stores and places like TJMaxx and Marshalls, and we love going to yard sales.
I just wanted to weigh in for the side of working mothers and say that just because a mother works it does not mean that the children are showered with gifts or just handed wads of cash. I have grown into a very financially responsible adult, and my mom and I share a very close and meaningful relationship.
Thanks for sharing your perspective Sharon. Hopefully everyone will read what I write with the understanding that I am simply sharing what we have chosen to do, not judging anyone else’s decisions.
Thank you for your words and your smart blog.
My parents taught us (5 children) in a frugal environment. My mother stayed home with us and never went back to full time work because she felt that TIME=LOVE. She was and still is the best teacher I have ever had. I swear there is nothing she can’t do! If ever I have a problem, I still turn to her first! And now as a mother of two boys, 3 and 1, I cannot imagine leaving their care and education to someone else while I leave them to add to the income we can already comfortably live on.
I have a friend who has had to work outside of the home, not by choice. She grieves for the time she has missed with her 4 kids – they have essentially been raised by someone else.
I would rather live on less and teach my children to live frugally than to live and work away from my family. Someone else said it – you can never get those moments back. We live for those moments! We should savor them.
And this one has been said so many times, but it is so true: you cannot leave this life with things, only the relationships you have built.
Good for you! You don’t have to spend money to have fun or be good parents.
We have Family Fun night every Friday where we buy a $5 pizza an play board games with our kids. It’s my only planned meal each week where we don’t have to cook or eat leftovers and it’s the cheapest pizza around and all our friends make fun of us for it.
It’s also a time to disconnect from our busy lives and connect as a family, almost like our Sabbath.
You only have years, months even, left to be a whole family at home together so I commend you for all you do and for being home.
Lately I have started to feel like I need to find a way to be more available to my daughters and am exploring ways to get by on just one salary and your blog has been very inspirational.
I miss Friday night pizza night! When I worked we ordered pizza every Friday. I should probably start making our own and continuing that tradition.
Amen Sister!!! I just found your blog today and I can’t stop reading. I mean seriously it has been like three hours!!! LOL! But this post has been the one that has effected me the most. I would like to start by saying……Honey, you are one of the few parents now that has actually got your priorities straight! Don’t let anyone tell you any different! Kids should not be raised to think that malls and movie theaters are the only things that can keep them entertained. And they should not be taught that they “have to” do anything(i.e. have a certain brand of clothes) just because everyone else is doing it. Giving in to these things is teaching our children that you should give in to peer pressure instead of standing against it and it is also what has got millions of people in debt! Plus, your lifestyse is enabling you to spend more time with your faimly which (in my opinion) is much more important that any material thing that you could buy with that money from that job that you gave up! You are raising smart, creative, happy, healthy, and secure kids so more power to ya!
I love this site and I can definately see myself spending many more hours reading your posts. I love your great tips and your transparency. I am trying to get caught up on everything and trying to figure out how to start incorporating some of your ideas. Wish me luck!!!!
Hi Kristi-thanks so much for your very kind comments. We are certainly not perfect parents by any means, but we are definitely trying to do our best. I hope you find lots of good ideas here.
Im so sorry you have people post such questions! I come from a family where my mom was single for 9 years and in those 9 years she chose to work only when we were in school and to stay home most of the time. Then when she remarried we ended up with a family of six on one income. I was frustrated at times that I couldn’t go shopping but I also was pretty selfish but I NEVER resented my family! I was so encouraged by my mom always being their that I feel it saved me from
A potentially destructive life! And, now a mom myself, I want to be just like her! My family sacrificed and I feel that, life is better because I’m happy with being frugal and putting my children first( which can I say, is so not selfish! It takes way more energy to be with my kiddos then to go to a job! A stay a home mom is 24/7. There are no breaks, me time! It’s almost always about them!)
Thanks for giving me the perspective of someone who is on the other side. I actually don’t mind the question because it gave me the opportunity to answer something that other people may have been thinking too.
I wish I was able to accomplish what you have! Less is absolutely more and I find that sometimes spending money is just a way to self-medicate any one of my given issues at the moment. A skill I do not want my daughter to learn. I have been filling up bags to take to good will to declutter my life (house) and I will go from there. Kudos to you! I will get there . . . I hope! I have tons of student loan debt having just finished law school—but I only have one child so I’m sure I can do it. Just have to keep working at it. Thank you for your so very useful and honest posting!
Yes Veronica–just keep moving!
Good for you for decluttering. I think you will be amazed at how much that helps.
Glad you enjoy the site.
Just stumbled on this post, thanks to Pinterest. I guess I’m a bit of a financial weirdo, especially for my age (25 and single, but I’ve been this way forever) – I clip coupons, shop sales, agree that $5 is too much to pay for (most) shirts, and am happier when I bring something home for free or cheap than when I spend a fortune on it. Not that you need my approval, but I really just wanted to say congrats on the lessons you’re teaching your children – I love your 11 and 14 year olds’ comments, especially! And boo to the naysayers like the ones who ask you that question. Material things don’t make you happy, they often just get in the way of happiness! Keep on keepin’ on!
Kimberly,
I agree with everything you are saying. We are fortunate in the fact that my husband does make a comfortable living and I am able to stay home. Do we give our children everything? NO! We make them work for what they have. They have to earn everything. Our now 26 year old son thanks us that we made him buy his own car, pay for his own insurance, etc. Our friends thought we were crazy. Don’t care. They need to learn how to make it on their own. I make my own cleaning products, laundry detergent, etc. You are spot on with the comment that even if you made more money you still wouldn’t be paying for luxury items. It’s a great life lesson. One they will take with them always. Thanks for the insight.
Thanks Estelle! It’s good to know that someone else shares our views.
We are fighting similar issues/mind sets as some of you state. We enjoy “homemade living” through frugality and see that our 2yr old is already better for it. She loves to help w/ the homemade cooking, DIY and cheap/free activities in which we spend quality time together. While we are at work, she is at a SAHM sitter who is sweet and loving as can be, but very focused on keeping up w/ the Jones’. Our DD is typically very loving, sweet, sharing and content when she’s w/ us- but we have to daily go through some retraining after she’s been at the sitter. Her littles are constantly in front of the TV, XBox, iPhone and playing in plastic toys piled to the cealing. Meals are rare in their house because snacking on starches and sugary foods all day is the norm. We continue to attempt to change this process w/ them, but this is the norm w/ sitters we interviewed and realize it’s best for me to just be a SAHM eventually (hopefully within another year).
Though, many times, we do without because we “have” to, we also prefer to do without many things because it gives us better life perspective.
Thank you for this blog. I was a single mom for years and was able to buy my son what he wanted, when he wanted, shop like there was no tomorrow, and still be financial able. Now, I am a newlywed. Shortly after our nuptials I became pregnant and my husband lost his job. It has caused me to reflect on my budgeting skills, as I will soon be supporting a 4 member (5 every other weekend when his daughter visits) household on my teacher income. Growing up in a household with (2) 6 figure incomes, this is a frightening thought. My mother has caused me to feel a lot of guilt by what I am “denying” my son, but he doesn’t seem to mind and is excited about the changes in our lives, as am I. He seems happier. It is a diffcult concept to explain. I have much to learn about making it all work, but I plan on revisiting your blog many times to continue to be encouraged, inspired, and borrow some of your ideas along the way. Thank you!
I am sorry that your husband lost his job Rachel–I can’t imagine what an adjustment you are going through, but I am so proud of you for determining to make things work instead of denying what’s going on. I sincerely hope that I can be an encouragement to you. Please feel free to ask any questions you have.
I just found your blog and was reading through it. I can not believe the comment this person left. How in the world are you being selfish! I am a SAHM I really never thought that I would be but when we had our first child I could not believe the cost of day care. I even worked at one and still could not believe it. I also did not like the idea of my baby having to be in one room for 8 hours a day. We decided then that I would stay at home. It has been really tight but we are managing. Our daugther is now 3 and we have a 9 month old son. Instead of being in a day care with the same people every day my kids are out doing fun things. We go to the park, do crafts, playdates, and all kinds of things. Yes we have to cut corners and my children may not have the lastest toys or new clothes but are they really going to remember that later on? No they are going to remember the time you spent with them and the lessons you taught them. If what your doing is being selfish then I guess I am right there with you.
Hi Kimberlee,
I have been reading through your posts for the last couple of days now, and when it comes to this post I just had to comment. I am the younger of two children, and my DAD started staying home with us when I was 3 1/2 years old, and I can honestly say it made me the woman I am today. Growing up with a stay at home parent, a ‘househusband’, or whatever you want to call it, allows the child to spend time with their parent, instead of with a potentially apathetic babysitter, and the parent to spend time with their own offspring, instead of inside an office day in and day out. My dad did all of the shopping, cleaning, shuttling of kids, and home and car repair. Even with only my mom’s salary, I never felt we wanted for anything. My parents saved frugally for the first few years of their marriage, and by their 6th year of marriage paid for our still current house in cash. Sure I didn’t have the latest brands, but I got an allowance and learned to save for what I really wanted, something that holds me well with finances now when I am almost 30. Sure, my brother may be the only Canadian boy to never play ice hockey, as it is maybe the most expensive sport ever, but it meant we all went to the much cheaper and family friendly sport of track and field, which my parents volunteered for. With age and perspective, I can see that many parts of my personality were shaped by spending more time than average with my Dad, I have his sense of humour, I am independent to a fault, and getting under a car to change the oil does not phase me at all. I would recommend more Dad time for kids, especially girls, for everybody!!!
Thanks so much for your perspective Emily! It is good to know another example of a child who was not “ruined” by having to learn about budgets.
I’m going on my second day of reading your blogs (good way to spend your time when half the house is sick with a flu-bug…easier to do since the “baby” is 17 lol) and I really felt compelled to respond to this one. First, your 17 year old cracks me up! We have 17 and 21 year old sons still at home, and I work outside the home as a teacher in a tuition-free private school. Yes, you read that right, a TUITION-FREE private school for students of limited financial resources! I taught in public schools, as well as at 2 different universities before making this MASSIVE switch in career paths. For starters, we as faculty have so much more autonomy to teach what each child needs, get to know the students and their families, than any of us ever did in the PS school system (we have a cap of 16 students per class, and only 1 class per grade level K-5). The majority of us have made huge sacrifices financially in order to teach here, but it is a special place, and we are truly a family there. The more I read your blog, the more I would LOVE to be able to share links to your posts on our own class website; as you can imagine, we have students whose parents both work very hard to give them what they need and some of what they want, families who are in daily “survival mode”, and parents/guardians, who like so many others in this country (and elsewhere), confuse wants with needs.
I also want to commend you for your graceful approach to less than complimentary comments. First, it would be very easy to just not allow those to hit the comments section, as this is a moderated blog; yet you do chose to let them be heard. Well done! For those who are “offended” by the references to your faith and beliefs…well, as a Buddhist personally, I believe that people are certainly entitled to their beliefs, and I respect their beliefs even if they differ from my own. However, I wish (personally) that those who feel the need to pass judgement on others, publicly (be the topic, religion, politics, partnerships, SAHM status, etc), would just keep their opinions private and not tear down others.
Of course, I see the hypocrisy of me wishing others who feel the need to comment negatively would keep their negative comments to themselves
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for you so publicly sharing your experiences and life lessons with us all. This is MY version of “it takes a village” to support each other in our walk through life!
Hi Kimberly–welcome! Thanks for your encouragement. I am a firm believer in civil discourse–everyone has a right to his or her opinion and I think that we can each learn from each other. While I am definitely a Jesus follower and believe the Bible is the Word of God, my understanding of who God is and how the world works has been challenged and improved by other’s thoughts and experiences. I think if Christians (myself included) did a better job of loving people and listening to them, more people might find the God of the Bible appealing.
I would be happy for you to share the links to my posts with people who need help. If you have any ideas for specific topics you would like for me to address, please let me know.
Hi! First of all, let me say that I truely enjoy reading your blog! I’m learning so much and I’m excited to implement a few things
I am a wife and mother to a 3.5 year old girl, and I work full-time for the Army National Guard. I feel I’m very fortunate to have the job I have, which comes with a 50% pension when I retire. I do contribute to a retirement account, but I worry about my not-too-distant future; I will retire in 13 years at the age of 43! I dont have to retire then but I WANT to so I can spend more time with my daughter as she finishes her HS career and begins thinking about college. My husband and I are quite fortunate, have higher education, and make more than average for our neck of the woods. ( we live in the mid west, and because you are so forward and honest I will be too…we make about 120K annually). My concern is whether or not we can continue our way of life when I wish to retire in 13 short years. We already so some things I know to be money-wise. We pay twice the required amount on our loans (house, car, student loans), we save, and we both contribute to retirement funds. The big issue is continuing our way of life from the time I retire at 43 and the time I can draw on my retirement (my pension starts when I retire at 43). I have already scoured weekly adds for sale items and have been working on a shopping list surrounding those sales, and plan on changing the way we do date night. Thank you so much for fitting this blog into your schedule and giving me this needed insight! I applaud you for raising and teaching 4 children while taking on a project like this!!
Hi Beth–welcome! I am not sure exactly what your question is. Can you explain a little more?
Haha, I tend to babble
not so much as question as some reflections. I love what you’re doing, and although I dont feel I can embrace it fully, I do intend to adopt some of your practices to better prepare my family for my early retirement. Thanks again for what you are doing!
Hi Beth! I am so glad that you enjoy the blog. I don’t expect everyone to do what we do, but I am simply giving you lots of ideas so you can find what works best for your situation. I’m glad you stopped by.:)
Thank you for sharing this. I was also wondering what your kids thought of your lifestyle. Mine are too young yet to understand or care. You are teaching your children how to be wise stewards and to be content with what they have. They will be light years ahead of most of us when we entered adulthood. I think that’s awesome! I hope to instill those same things in my kids too.
As far as the SAHM vs WOHM debate, I’ve done both and can honestly say they are both extremely difficult and moms everywhere should just understand this and try to help and encourage one another rather than hurt each other or put others down. I guess that will never happen, but thanks for trying to keep things civil in your blog and comments. Also, thanks for being so honest and open.
You are very welcome Mary. As a mom I have worked full-time, worked part-time, stayed home full-time and now I am a work-at-home mom so I understand all of the struggles with each of those situations. As I have said before, find what works best for your family and don’t worry what anyone else thinks.
Hi there,
I think your blog is great and has heaps of great ideas for saving money, whether you need to or not. I live with my partner and I don’t think that we spend a lot of money on unnessessary things (eg. only rarely eat out, shop to the specials etc.) but even with just the two of us we probably live on not too much less than you do with a family of 6! Although we don’t exactly need to live on less (yet, anyway), it’s always nice to be able to save up for the occasional big holiday and some of your tips can help us do that!
A question though, How you you handle things like your kids birthdays, christmas etc. Do you take these things into account in you budget and save for them, or do you give your children less presents/less expensive presents. Also things like children’s activities (eg. soccer, dancing, music lessons etc.) – these things can be expensive – do they still get to do some of these things?
Hi Bianca! We do a variety of things. I collect freebies throughout the year and buy things on sale with coupons that we give to the children. The birthday budget is usually $25 per child. Last year my 12 year old was able to play putt putt golf with two friends and have a cupcake decorating party thanks to discounts and coupons. My son chose to have a sleepover/video game night with pizza, soda and homemade treats. My daughter who is turning 16 will have a much bigger budget because we think 16 is a big deal.
She will also have a party in our home with friends. To keep the cost lower, we will make the food and play games like “glow-in-the-dark” bowling (2 ltr. bottles filled half way with water and the contents of a glow bracelet purchased in a pack of 10 at the dollar store.).
The children have participated in various activities as we have found discounted programs. Two of the girls participated in swim team at the YMCA, and a dance team. we received a gift of a one week horse day camp for my 12 year old last year and three of my children participated in a sports and science day camp. My son and daughter have played music for their church youth group, and the leader gave my daughter free keyboard lessons and my son free bass guitar lessons.
There are many activities available if you look around.
I am a 23 yo in Perth, Australia. Prices are high for everything here because of all the mining. I love my job, but I love kids too. My partner and I are currently practicing living on one income as he’s back at university for his final year after taking a year off to work and save. One option not mentioned much is what we’re hoping to do when we have kids. We both want to work part time, thus giving us both career opportunities and time with our kids. Has anyone tried that? And if you did, what problems did you have?
We have not tried working two part time jobs, but we did work split shifts where I taught school from 7 am to 3:30 pm while my husband was home until 2:30. We used a baby sitter for the hour until I could get home and be with the children. Then we spend weekends together. It was difficult in some aspects, but enabled us to be the primary care givers and saved a ton on childcare.
I want to say that as a child my parents were rather on the very frugal, not so rich side, with a large family. (I have seven siblings.) When there were six of us kids my parents bought this tiny little two-bedroom house in the country. My mother never worked. I have the best of memories as a girl, even into my teens, of the simple kinds of fun we would have. It’s so good to hear from others that it can be done and that your example of contentment can be so powerful to your children. I too love going to a thrift store for bargains, or sew my own clothes or mend what needs it. I’m married now and have a little son and hope to have more children in the future. This post, and your whole website is very challenging and encouraging. Just want to thank you for swimming against the tide.
And encouraging others to do the same. God bless.
Thanks so much for your perspective, and your encouragement Sara. I do feel like we are swimming upstream sometimes, but it’s good to know that others have done the same.
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