Sep
29
2011

Marriage Minute: How To Start An Argument

by Kimberlee Stokes Affiliate Link Disclosure B

Marriage Minute: How to Start an Argument With Your Spouse.

I’ve been married for over 17 years now and I’ve discovered something: It’s easy to create division and strife in my marriage.

I’m so good at it that I decided to write a post about it, so that you can excel too. All you have to do is take the BAIT.


BLAME

Tell the love of your life that it’s all his fault that:

a. the shower drain is clogged;

b. the children are being disrespectful;

c. the weather is bad;

d. all of the above.

 

ACCUSE

Criticize your spouse and complain that he never helps around the house, doesn’t parent the right way and is driving in the wrong direction to the barbecue at your friend’s house.

 

IRRITATE

Find the one thing that really irritates your husband and keep doing it: talk during movies, spend time on the computer instead of talking to him, continue to serve baked chicken for dinner.

 

TAKE OFFENSE

Always assume that when your husband says something like “Did you pick up my dry cleaning?”, what he really means is,”You’re fat, you’re stupid and you can’t do anything right.”  Continue to be offended for long periods of time.

 

Of course, this post is written with sarcasm. In reality, you will probably want to avoid repeating my mistakes so that you can have a good relationship.

Honey, if you’re reading this: I’m sorry for ever cooking baked chicken for you. It won’t happen again. :)

 

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  • amber steranka

    hi kimberlee,

    sorry…but, i had something i really needed to ask you and, i couldn’t find an appropriate place to post the question. I know you have a son with asperger’s and we are going to be getting our 10yr old son tested after christmas….there are just too many things not adding up with his behavior and learning disabilities. my question is: what homeschool curriculum do you find works better with your son and how he learns? aidan’s been in school for four years and we decided to homeschool him and his sister this year. he had such a hard time the last few years i’m finding it difficult to get him to do anything. we are currently using an online program called time 4 learning…even though it’s creative, game oriented, & has quick lessons he still gets frustrated.
    any input would be GREATLY appreciated!

    thanks
    amber

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      Hi Amber! I’m sorry to hear that your son is dealing with this. I’m sending you an email! :)

  • Kelly

    We are doing a Bible study on Respecting your husband. Was wondering what are your best suggestions for stopping an argument or not starting one in the first place.

    THANKS!
    Kelly

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      Hi Kelly!

      It’s a good thing to respect your husband. In addition I have found a few things helpful in my own marriage. 1. Pray for your husband and the protection of your marriage. 2. Quickly ask forgiveness when you mess up and quickly forgive when your husband messes up. 3. Ask God to help you be humble.

      Most of our arguments are from me allowing silly things to irritate me and then taking it out on my husband. God is teaching me how to love him better and pray first rather than letting him “have it”. It’s a slow process! :) Hope this helps! :)

  • Kim S.

    Kimberlee, you could not be more right about the enemy wanting to destroy our marriages. He can take a small hairline crack/weakness and find a way to crumble what we have so lovingly built. This happens to Christian and non-Christian families alike. We Christian wives need to standfast in prayer for one another, and set an example for all to see.
    We should not be “Desparate Housewives”, but “Dedicated Housewives”.
    May God Bless You for this post, we all need to soul-search our relationships. Thank God we are not perfect, but improving!

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      Dedicated Housewives–yes! Thanks for the reminder to pray.

  • amber steranka

    thanks kimberlee…i look forward to hearing from you!

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      Amber, did you get my email? If not, please email me: kimberlee @ thepeacefulmom.com. Thanks!

  • julie

    Just wanted to share – love your blog and this was a fantastic post. Thank you!!

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      Thanks Julie!

  • http://titus2eight.blogspot.com/ Paige

    How do you get your husband to want to follow a budget and save money? we have been married for 20 years and he just continues to spend all we have each month. I have tried to budget but he ignores me and doesn’t care. Any suggestions? I pray for him each week. God has provided me with a Titus 2 woman and we pray for him. I am really weary. We have nothing. We filed bankruptcy 5 years ago because he kept spending.

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      Hi Paige- I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband and I have had our own struggles ending in bankruptcy 7 years ago. You are absolutely doing the right thing by praying with someone for him. Pray about this, but for the short term, it may be wise to set up a separate account that only you have access to. You can explain to him that you are going to put the money to pay bills in this account and whatever is left in “his” account is his to spend.

      Long term I can tell you that Christian counseling really helped. Even when my husband would not go to counseling, the counselor helped me to see areas where I needed to change. Some books that have helped are Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and Love is A Choice by Frank Minirth, Dr. Paul Meier, Dr. Robert Hemfelt. You can probably find these at your library, or order them used online.

      I pray that God will reveal Himself to you as your Provider in very practical ways and that He will give you great wisdom as you deal with this situation. I ask that the Holy Spirit will give you a godly love for your husband and the strength to do what needs to be done. Blessings!

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