Aug
31
2011

Life on Purpose: Acceptance

by Kimberlee Stokes Affiliate Link Disclosure B

Life On Purpose: Tools to Live Life Intentionally

“God, grant me the serenity to accept

the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Dr. Rheinhold Niebuhr

 

In my last post I shared with you the key principle that true change cannot happen unless you are motivated, and in order to be motivated you have to be inspired.

But what if there are things in your life that cannot be changed?

I am well aware of this dilemma. I have a teenage son with Asperger’s Syndrome (an autism-spectrum disorder) and another child who, although undiagnosed, shows symptoms of Asperger’s. I have relationships with people who have issues. My husband has to work long hours to support us. All of these things are out of my control.

There is something I can change: ME.

I can change the way I think and I can accept things the way they are. What does that mean?

 

Acceptance means acknowledging the truth.

When we first received the diagnosis for my son, I put the envelope in a drawer and didn’t look at it or think about it for over a year. Finally reality hit me enough times that I decided to deal with the FACT that my son has Aspergers. Denying the truth only brings more pain and suffering.

 

Acceptance means acknowledging the whole truth.

Accepting the fact that my son has Asperger’s doesn’t mean that I like it, that I’m okay with it or that everything is fine. It means that I realize there are issues we have to deal with and I am willing to address them head-on instead of pretending they are not there. Acceptance means that I acknowledge my grief over the situation and I allow myself to be angry, sad and upset about my son’s condition.

 

Acceptance means I can deal with the problem.

Until I acknowledge that there is a problem, I can do nothing to improve it. Accepting my son’s condition as a fact enables me to make changes in our lifestyle so that my son can adapt better and our family can function well.

 

There are several benefits from accepting the situations I cannot change:

 

Acceptance frees me to live.

Once I accept the realities of my situation, I am free to live in the present rather than waiting on something to change. When I don’t accept things the way they are, I put my life on hold.

 

Acceptance allows me to find the positive.

Once I accept the ugly realities of a situation, I can focus on more positive aspects. While there are many negatives about Aspergers, my son has an amazing sense of humor and is quite talented musically. If I had not accepted the fact that he will never be good in math, I would have spent many hours trying to make him better at it. Instead, we spend a limited amount of time on math which makes room for things like music lessons.

 

Acceptance brings change.

Accepting my circumstances changes me, which can (and usually does) bring change to my situation. As I have accepted my son’s condition and made adjustments in my life, I have become a stronger person and hopefully a better mother. My son has improved in many areas and actually shows fewer signs of the disorder than he did a few years ago.

 

While choosing to accept the realities of life is key to living life intentionally, it doesn’t happen overnight. Don’t be discouraged at the process of dealing with difficult and strong emotions. Life may seem a little worse when you crash through denial, but everything will get better if you stick with it.

Acceptance is not an easy road to travel, but it is a good one.

 

Next Post in this Series: Where Are You Going?


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Photo credit: Stefan Gustafsson Photography

 

  • http://simplemidwestmom.blogspot.com Stefani

    I just came across your blog a few days ago and love, love your outlook on life and how you are encouraging me and others. Thank you!

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      Thanks Stefani! I am so glad that you feel encouraged–that’s encouraging. :)

  • Alcia

    Thanks for the great word! I needed to hear that. I have been discouraged lately with circumstances I have not wanted to accept. I feel more free already and encouraged to face these issues with the perspective that with time, patience, and help, it will be more “do-able”.

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      I am so glad! :)

  • Joan

    I’ve been reading your blog for awhile and thoroughly enjoy it. I am a stay at home mom to 2 children we adopted from Russia. At the time we did not know they had special needs, but in reality, few escape what they have endured in their early years unscathed. Your message is a reminder that through God all things are possible. We need to accept and trust in his ways!

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      Thanks so much Joan! I have friends who adopted a Russian orphan. It is really heart breaking everything that they go through. Their son had Radical Attachment Disorder and it was very difficult.

      Just know that God blesses you because you are demonstrating His heart: love for the orphans!

  • http://www.islamicsolutions14.etsy.com fatimah agha

    hi kimberlee,

    your stuff is awesome and i share a lotos your articles with lots of my friends via email and Facebook!

    keep it up
    God Bless you!

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      Thanks so much Fatimah!

  • Annie

    “Acceptance frees me to live.

    Once I accept the realities of my situation, I am free to live in the present rather than waiting on something to change. When I don’t accept things the way they are, I put my life on hold.”

    This really resonates with me; my husband and I are both in colege (and living on a limited budget) and sometimes I wish I could press the fast-forward button on my life to get through school and difficult times, but that mentality causes me to miss out on now. I also read a very encouraging post of yours a week or so ago about the “microwave mentality” and that life doesn’t have to be led at lightning speed. In fact, when I was speeding home from work (for no real reason) and getting frustrated at the other slow drivers, I remembered that post, slowed down, and instantly felt so peaceful.

    I only recently found your blog on Pinterest, but I feel like you’ve already inspired me so much; you have a way of relating the above kinds of truth that gives me that “aha” moment. Thank you and please keep sharing! :)

    • http://thepeacefulmom.com Kimberlee

      Thanks so much for letting me know Annie. I am so glad that you feel encouraged by the blog.

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